October 28, 2005
IBS Quashing My Dreams & Aspirations
This is a story of a girl...a strong independent woman who, at five, saw herself as the future U.S. president. At thirteen, she was determined to be the future head of an international corporation. At nineteen, she was content with the VP of marketing. At twenty-six, she wanted to have her own business.
As days grew longer and the rungs on the corporate ladder sometimes faltered, the journey to the top seemed impossible - yet never improbable. There was no amount of work politics, overtime, abysmal salary that was going to conquer her determination and drive. She could handle the shouting bosses, learning new programs, seemingly working harder than anyone else. There was nothing that would wane her spirits.
She didn't count on the power of IBS...
IBS is a physical pain, an emotional depression and an internal blender that chops up your insides. The pain is so intense that it floods into your mental psyche and brings you to a level of depression where nothing is longer possible. Every step closer to your dream becomes exponentially harder as you face issues of travel, demanding performance, and having to explain your health. You try even harder to create the facade of strength and independence. Inside you feel like a weak fraud, running to the bathroom doubled over in agony.
It’s Friday. Another week has ended. My IBS attack last evening has left me in shambles. I cried in my recovery just wishing it would all end. I don't know how others do it. I can't keep living my life within a physical and emotional roller coaster. 90% of the time I deal with it and brush it off as if I'm the stronger entity - but deep down, I know who's really in control.
Posted by Christine on October 28, 2005 09:08 AM
Christine, I'm so sorry to hear you had a bad time. I know just how you feel. I had such a bad time these past few days (only starting to feel better today) that by last night I was in a heap of tears feeling I had no control over my life. I don't think that anybody who doesn't have IBS can truly understand how upsetting it is. Sure it's not life-threatening but it completely takes over. Your mention of travel and explaining your your health - I totally understand. I hate that I'm at the point now where I really do have to explain. Can't hide it anymore. Can't eat things I shouldn't. Can't go away for more than a couple days at a time. Always need to know where the nearest bathroom is. It's a total drain!
I hope you have a better day tomorrow. Stay strong!
Posted by: Camryn at October 28, 2005 05:22 PM
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Hey,
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm 18- I was diagnosed with IBS one and a half years ago after a bout of anorexia. It's gotten progressively worse. Every day is horrible. The only days that aren't horrible are the ones when I work (I work at Ruehl), and that's only because I don't eat ANYTHING that day. I dream about the day when I will wake up in the morning without a hugely distended stomach, gas, and having to drink a liter of tea to go to the bathroom. I also dream for the day when I don't have to lay doubled over in bed at 5:00 pm because the shooting pain and bloating is so bad.
Anyway, when I do find that magical cure, (I take magnesium and Vitamin C, which cures the constipation but does not thing for the pain, bloating, or gas), I will let you know. Hopefully the medical society will put IBS at the forefront of studies and advancement of knowledge, because even though IBS is not life threatening, it certaintly takes away your life.
Posted by: Brooke at June 25, 2008 12:28 PM