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August 31, 2004
It's been a while....
Sorry that I haven't written in here for so long. I was on vacation for a while, and when I got back, everything was hectic because of school starting up again this week. Things with me have been okay, I suppose. I am still taking it day by day. I don't know what happened with the last entries I posted in here. It kept telling me that they would not post but when I looked at my diary, they had posted. Sorry about that. When I was on vacation, I did a lot better with eating.. probably because I was with my family so it was a lot harder to b/p without them noticing. I learned something though. Eventhough I was able to do it because I kinda HAD to, it showed me that I do have the will power to beat this. I just need to find the right way to go about it. I got some nice messages from people on here, so I am going to take that advice and use it to the best of my ability. You know how before I became bulimic I was anorexic? (I think I may have said that at some point) Well, I still have the tendencies of that. It's like, I either eat and then purge it or I don't eat at all. So I had been trying to beat the bulimia by simply not eating because that way I wouldn't feel the need to purge. However, I realized that I won't be able to do it like that. You're probably thinking, 'And it took you THAT long to realize it??' but these disorders really mess with your mind. I am going to try to plan out my meals each day and maybe a little bit of exercising so that I don't feel so guilty. I have a feeling that when I leave for college I am going to lose a lot of weight because I only b/p when the food is around. I never go out and buy my own food to b/p with. So when college comes, it will be easy for me to not eat at all because I never have the urge to go out and buy the food. That's why I really need to get everything straight before I leave because I can't let myself fall back into this. Well, today... I am doing well so far... granted that I have only been up for about 2 hours... but even that is good for me. Usually I start bingeing within an hour of waking up. Another thing that is going to make me get my eating in order is that I just started this new medication that I have to take 4 times a day... and it has to be taken 1 hour before eating or 2-3 hours after eating. So I really can't b/p because then I won't be able to get 4 pills in 1 day. Well, that's all for now...
Posted by babygoddess100 at August 31, 2004 10:51 AM