October 10, 2004

Ok

So where were we? Oh, I remember, I wasn't really keeping this diary up to date. Oops. So basically I can be labeled eating disordered again. Or maybe just a person with disordered eating, there's a difference. It's not about thin above all, it's about having gained weight and not being too happy about that. Especially not the way I did it: bingeing like crazy and, yes, if i had the chance, purging it. The problem is just that it's so much easier to get it in than it is to get it out. So I kind of decided that it's not worth it unless I've eaten certain easy-to-purge foods. Yup, that's the sick mind of me. I'm more interested in restricting at this moment. It's more about control, which is strange because I am really in control. Of my life. I am the president of a sorority which I myself have started (together with others). I am doing the course I love most and I really love it. I am making new friends and having fun. But then why do I miss the lonely life I had when I lived back home? Those are not pleasant memories, but I suppose they're what I'm used to. Like all first year students miss home, I miss it as well even if it sucked.

Posted by Eldalote on October 10, 2004 02:51 AM