July 22, 2004

Learning to Cope

I guess the hardest thing is learning to cope with any condition,  especially one that tends to have negative stereotypes, like epilepsy. As soon as my friends found out I was diagnosed, I was called stupid or retarded, when in fact my I.Q. was higher than most of theirs! Kids can be awfully cruel. And it doesn't get much easier as an adult. I have been called more names than I care to count in the last 30 years since I was diagnosed.

I used to cry every time I heard the word "dumb" or "retarded" or when people would run from me thinking I was contagious just because I have a seizure disorder. But after giving it a lot of thought I wrote a poem that describes how I feel about myself and my conditions:

I Am Not The Sum Of My Conditions

I am not Epilepsy, RA or Clinical Depression. I am a woman, mom, friend, wife-to-be, and published  poet.
 
My illnesses are not me, nor am I them. They are a part of who I am, The part that makes me different from others.
 
I make myself who I am, Only I can define the person I have become.
 
Feeling sorry for myself is a cop out, An excuse for my imperfections. For if I was "Normal" what then would my excuse be For all my basic human flaws?
 

I try to look at the positive, Not the negative side of my person, Even after a  seizure, or RA flare up so bad I can't stand the pain,  or a bout of depression so deep I end up hugging a "stuffy" Curled up in the closet crying.
 
It is then that I rememberThat I am Rose Not  Epilepsy, RA or Clinical Depression, And that I am not the sum of my conditions.
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Posted by Rose S. on July 22, 2004 12:24 AM