September 01, 2004
Introducing me
Hi all, I'm Michael, a 43 year old man who has had fibromyalgia symptom's for at least 16 years, and was diagnosed about four and a half years ago.
The reason it took so long was that most doctors, when I first started trying to find out what the heck was wrong with me, had never even heard of FM, and if they had, didn't believe it was a real illness. To make matters worse, those who did know that it was real thought that it was a "women's illness", and that men just couldn't get it.
In the late 90's, I was married, had two great kids, owned a moderately successful residential contracting business, and thought life was pretty good, despite the constant pain and fatigue I felt. I had pretty much decided that this was simply the cost of the long hours I put in, and that I was just being kind of a wimp - that I needed to just "suck it up and handle it like a man".
Then life began to be not so good. I began making mistakes on bids, and on material lists, mistakes that were costing real money. My memory started to be a little unreliable, in a funny sort of way. I would know that I had to do something, forget to do it, and forget that I had forgotten. I would leave a subside to get a simple thing like more nails, and find myself driving around trying to remember where I was going, and what I was supposed to do when I got there. I started to lose jobsites, I know, sounds funny, but it really isn't when you have a full crew waiting on the clock, or a homeowner waiting to give you a deposit check before going to work.
I finally had to admit that even though the doctors all said they could not find anything wrong with me, I was no longer able to function through the pain and fatigue well enough to remain at all profitable. I gave up my business, and went to work for other contractors. At least this way, the hours were much shorter, and I could function well enough to at least keep a job.
This lasted a couple of years, but as things continued to get worse, my production went down. At first, it was a gradual enough thing that my bosses didn't mind too much. It was all piecework, and all it meant to them was that the jobs took me a little longer, and the weekly paychecks they wrote were slightly smaller.
My wife became convinced that I was having affairs, and that the money I was no longer bringing home for the same number of hours was being spent on other things before it made it to the house. It didn't take long for her suspicion and doubt, coupled with her contempt for my "wimpyness", to lead her to give up on the marriage.
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This brought on my first real flare, a dramatic increase in symptom's, as well as a deep depression. I became virtually housebound, and went on welfare. I had lost all those things which had always, in my mind, defined who I was as a man. I could not work, had lost my family, and had lost all those activities that were to me so much a part of my life - whitewater rafting, backpacking in the deep woods, wild caving, competitive martial arts, etc.
It was a few months later, while seeing a mental health therapist, that I was given the first clue what may be wrong. My therapists' wife had FM, and he knew about the symptom's and how to check for the Tender Points (eighteen specific spots that are extremely sensitive to touch on FM patients). He checked them, and referred me to his wife's Dr. who diagnosed me with fibromyalgia.
As the immediate stress of the divorce ebbed, and the flareup subsided to the level of symptom's I was at before my wife left, I decided that it was time to return to work. I knew I could no longer handle the hard physical labor involved in contracting work, so I became a traffic control flagger. This lasted about 10 months, as I went from being the most reliable employee, always first called for jobs, to the least reliable, having to turn down dispatches on bad days, and often having to call in for a replacement when I found that I could not make it through the day.
Once again, I went on welfare. This time though, it was with a disabling diagnosis, and a wonderful doctor. It was during this time that I met Rose, my now common law wife. We are prevented from marrying by the rules of her disability income, because she would lose half of her grant should she marry.
I have now come to terms with my illness, having learned to take charge of my own medical care, to educate my doctors, and to stand up and hold my ground when put down because I don't work, even though I "don't look like there's anything wrong with me".
I have developed other health issues along the way, some from medications, some that are commonly co-occurring conditions with FM, ranging from irritable bowel syndrome to recurrent seizure disorder. I have learned to remain involved in those activities I once enjoyed, if only vicariously from the sidelines, and how to both self advocate for my disabilities and to help others to do the same.
I am the primary owner and manager of the largest medically based online support group in the world, although I have learned to step back when necessary and allow the management team to take over when I am not able to keep up.
Now that you all know me a little, I will just say that I will try to post a little bit each day, although there will be times when I have to be very careful with my priorities. In my next entry, I will talk a little bit about the special challenges that men with FM face, as opposed to most female FM patients, and talk a little bit more about my family.
Thanks to each of you who take the time to read this, I hope that by talking each day about my life, and the way that FM effects it in so many ways, that others might find the same kind of non-defeatist acceptance of their challenges as well.
Michael
Michael
Posted by Michael A. on September 1, 2004 01:25 AM
Comments
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Posted by: Michael Murphy at August 31, 2005 11:15 AM
I hope you're still there. It's been a year since your last post.
I admire you...your frankness and willingness to share a man's perspective of Fibromyalgia. I do wish you'd keep your blog up to date so we can see if you've progressed in any way.
As a fellow sufferer (albeit female), I want you to know you're not alone...even if our genders are different.
Posted by: Pat at September 12, 2005 02:32 AM
Dear Michael: I also hope you'll write again. How are you now? I'd like more insights into the male Fibro experience, as I believe my son has it. Not diagnosed yet, but may be. (daughter & son already have been diagnosed with what I consider is the beginning of Fibro).
Let us know how you're doing please. Especially about coping & what work you're able to do now. Thanks. t.b. a Mom in the West with Fibro too.
Posted by: t.b. at August 16, 2007 08:12 AM
Hello to all of you who have been suffering with the symtoms of fibromyalgia. My wife was chronically ill with symtoms that mimic fibromyalgia.She had alot of musculo-skeletal pain and extreme fatigue, however, the most perplexing symptom was her mental fog. She had difficulty coordinating thoughts and her memory was failing. Sounds like fibromyalgia...Right...Wrong...She had chronic Lyme disease..The western blots the the labs run such as Labcorp and Quest are archaic and haven't been changed since the 1970's..I learned that they are only 50 % sensitive so many people who get tested through these labs will have false negatives. I learned about a Lab out in California that specializes in Tic Bourne diseases such as Lyme...Since diagnosing my wife with lyme disease and getting her the proper treatment I have seen dozens of patients who have been diagnosed with chronic fatiugue and fibromyagia who really had chronic lyme disease....If you are one who is suffering from joint pain..fatigue...mental fog...you may have lyme disease...
Posted by: Dr. Larry Moses at May 13, 2008 08:15 PM
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Posted by: Nyajewmi at July 16, 2009 04:11 AM
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Posted by: Nyajewmi at July 16, 2009 04:12 AM