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March 7, 2005

Can you drive with 2 feet?

Hello. Today was not a very good day. In fact this year has been my worse ever since I got sick. I have been noticing that my driving leg and my foot are not working. When I drive I notice that my whole right side below the waist goes numb. My ankle starts to throb and I end up using my left foot to hold the break. I haven't been driving with my left foot yet, just holding the break while I'm stopped. But now I don't even want to drive. I never thought I could not be able to drive. I don't have any help, and asking is no good. I would have to wait until my sister leaves if she is even leaving, so sometimes things just don't get done. I don't have a bank account because I have so many medical bills I have to file for bankruptcy. So I just go to local stores to cash my checks. I have checks that I don't even feel like cashing. I think I will catch the bus! I don't like catching the bus but I need to stop being so pig headed and deal with this. I need my strength for bigger battles!

Peace, love, and happiness!

Posted by Keeon Williams at 12:23 PM | Comments (61)

March 1, 2005

I don't want to live anymore!

Is it wrong to feel that way? Of course it is. But sometimes you feel that way. Last night was a very bad night! I was unable to sleep and everytime I did it only lasted about......20-30mins. On top of that I got new people moving in a few doors down from me at 12AM. I was trying so hard to go to sleep but it did not work. I try to go to bed when I send my daughte off to schoolr because even though I'm not working I still have to get up at 6:30am to send her. So it is just taking a toll on my body.

Around about 2 years ago I sent her to stay with her father and step-mom and siblings in Burlington, VT. I was unable to work full-time, take care of her and be sick all at the same time. And besides, I thought that since he was not paying child-support (we went to court but he never held a job) I would send her up with him so I could work and save money to get us a place to live and a car. You see at that time I was homeless because I was always getting sick and bills got out of control. I have no support from family, and my "boyfriend" at the time was no help (now he is my"X"):) Besides the fact that my "JOB" and "LANDLORD" did not give a S!@* if I was sick let alone ever heard of what Lupus was (at that time I only had the lupus). They still wanted their "MONEY" and did not like it when I took time off from work for being sick!!!! So needless to say I became homeless. So I thought at that time she could go live with her dad, while I looked for work and found a place to live. That was one of the hardest things I have everdone. I MISSED HER SO MUCH it hurt, which did not help my lupus!

At that same time her father, wife, and mother had this great idea to take "AUSTYN" (that is her name) from me, saying I was a bad mother for sending her to stay with her dad! They tried to keep me from talking to her in any way. They talked to lawyers and child and family services. It was a nightmare! But I held my own and "JEHOVAH" worked it out. I got my daughter back. She lived with me in a 3 room studio apartment until we could find better. But the happiness would not last for too long, because in May of 2004 I was told I was in the early stages of FIBROMYALGIA. I said what the hell is that? The doctors in Buffalo, NY are not very helpful so I found out all I could on line. Look at me writing a book. I will break it down later.

Peace, Love, and Happiness!

Posted by Keeon Williams at 9:28 AM | Comments (129)