March 1, 2005
I don't want to live anymore!
Is it wrong to feel that way? Of course it is. But sometimes you feel that way. Last night was a very bad night! I was unable to sleep and everytime I did it only lasted about......20-30mins. On top of that I got new people moving in a few doors down from me at 12AM. I was trying so hard to go to sleep but it did not work. I try to go to bed when I send my daughte off to schoolr because even though I'm not working I still have to get up at 6:30am to send her. So it is just taking a toll on my body.
Around about 2 years ago I sent her to stay with her father and step-mom and siblings in Burlington, VT. I was unable to work full-time, take care of her and be sick all at the same time. And besides, I thought that since he was not paying child-support (we went to court but he never held a job) I would send her up with him so I could work and save money to get us a place to live and a car. You see at that time I was homeless because I was always getting sick and bills got out of control. I have no support from family, and my "boyfriend" at the time was no help (now he is my"X"):) Besides the fact that my "JOB" and "LANDLORD" did not give a S!@* if I was sick let alone ever heard of what Lupus was (at that time I only had the lupus). They still wanted their "MONEY" and did not like it when I took time off from work for being sick!!!! So needless to say I became homeless. So I thought at that time she could go live with her dad, while I looked for work and found a place to live. That was one of the hardest things I have everdone. I MISSED HER SO MUCH it hurt, which did not help my lupus!
At that same time her father, wife, and mother had this great idea to take "AUSTYN" (that is her name) from me, saying I was a bad mother for sending her to stay with her dad! They tried to keep me from talking to her in any way. They talked to lawyers and child and family services. It was a nightmare! But I held my own and "JEHOVAH" worked it out. I got my daughter back. She lived with me in a 3 room studio apartment until we could find better. But the happiness would not last for too long, because in May of 2004 I was told I was in the early stages of FIBROMYALGIA. I said what the hell is that? The doctors in Buffalo, NY are not very helpful so I found out all I could on line. Look at me writing a book. I will break it down later.
Peace, Love, and Happiness!
Posted by Keeon Williams on March 1, 2005 9:28 AM
Why are some words in caps, and with quotation. I think that you should lose your daughter for not looking into things better while you had the chance. In your particular possition, you could have asked for so much state and federal help, and recieved it too. Especially if your income was less then desirable to most. I hate it when people whine about how horrible life is, when there is help readily available. Slouch.
Posted by: Kain at April 26, 2005 8:58 PM
what a useless comment you just made, kain. it can be really tough for people to get by, and that kind of arrogant attitude is the last thing to help. it is easy to say that others should do a shitload of things, when one hasn't ever had to deal with anything onself.
good luck keeon :)
Posted by: b at May 6, 2005 11:33 AM
Wow, you truly do have a story to tell, A story WE ALL can learn from. Ignore rude comments from ignorant people.
I'm so thankful you have a better place to live and your daughter back with you. I can imagine the stress the custody battle put you in, I also was a single mom and had a few run-in's with my ex threatening to take her more, then he never did, just 2 days a week. Anyway, God did bless you with your home and your daughter, Praise Him and be Thankful. Now, the doc saying you have 'early signs' of FMS is strange...there really aren't any early signs, or stages.....so you know the disease is not progressive, is not disfiguring, and is not life threatening. It is often disabling. If you stick with recommended treatments, you'll do the best you can, and that won't be too bad, really. But you have to stick to it. You've already mentioned in another post about magnesium & calcium helping....darn tootin', critical parts of good treatment. Inexpensive book "from fatigued to fantastic" by Dr. Teitelbaum, lays out the disease and parts and treatments. Even if you don't follow his pgm, it's very clear education on FMS.
And on the doc that thinks you are med-seeking, is there anyway you can switch docs??
Or get the rhuemy to rx the meds, they understand the disease the best.
Hugs, Judy
Posted by: judy at May 20, 2005 3:21 AM
Wow, you truly do have a story to tell, A story WE ALL can learn from. Ignore rude comments from ignorant people.
I'm so thankful you have a better place to live and your daughter back with you. I can imagine the stress the custody battle put you in, I also was a single mom and had a few run-in's with my ex threatening to take her more, then he never did, just 2 days a week. Anyway, God did bless you with your home and your daughter, Praise Him and be Thankful. Now, the doc saying you have 'early signs' of FMS is strange...there really aren't any early signs, or stages.....so you know the disease is not progressive, is not disfiguring, and is not life threatening. It is often disabling. If you stick with recommended treatments, you'll do the best you can, and that won't be too bad, really. But you have to stick to it. You've already mentioned in another post about magnesium & calcium helping....darn tootin', critical parts of good treatment. Inexpensive book "from fatigued to fantastic" by Dr. Teitelbaum, lays out the disease and parts and treatments. Even if you don't follow his pgm, it's very clear education on FMS.
And on the doc that thinks you are med-seeking, is there anyway you can switch docs??
Or get the rhuemy to rx the meds, they understand the disease the best.
Hugs, Judy
Posted by: judy at May 20, 2005 4:28 AM
i must agree how unacceptable kain is. more than rude. all knowing. i will say to you Keeon life is a struggle in itself. i have fibro for several years and to be ever so honest i do not believe i would be able to take care of a child. i am happy to know she is with you now. time makes things better tho Keeon. our bodies may not be, our depression may not be, etc. however, it is an acceptance. not a giving in, but acceptance. do not pay attention to what others say or how they act or react, remain in your belief, be strong and don't give up. hold on to all you have and use your strength. it takes more energy to pretend you are ok to please others than it does to just be. hold on gal. i along with others do understand and have compassion. would be willing to communicate if you want.
Posted by: faith at October 30, 2005 11:34 AM
I read all the articles and still not sure I can make it anymore. I have a void in my heart, in my soul. My boyfriend of two years left me a few days ago. Said he would be home in an hour but never showed, he will not take my calls or e-mails. I have epilepsy so I don't have a car. I have no money nor do I have a job. He has taken care of me. He was my world and the hurt is so bad I shake. I just cannot do it another day. I have no hope left.
Posted by: shelia at May 21, 2006 4:04 PM
You know the one thing I detest is ignorance, and you would be surprised at how ignorant people can be about fibro. I have had fibro for 12 years now and it hasn't gotten any better, i still fight the battle of people who are quick to judge, but yet they don't have a clue about fibro. My suggestion is to those of you that have not recently heard any information about fibro, please educate yourself on this, before you are so quick to judge. I went through hundreds of drs trying to get help but they all shrugged me off, like i was just crazy. NEWS FLASH!!!! The pain from fibro is very real, so do like I did educate your dr. I took every article from magazines ( fibromyalgia aware)and any new information I could find on line to my Dr. And every since he has kept up with all the latest studies, he has been wonderful in finding treatments to help me with my fibro. So don't be afraid, JUST EDUCATE THOSE FOOLS AND 'NO IT ALLS' ABOUT YOUR DISEASE. MAKE THEM LISTEN, and don't give up. I want lie and say it gets better, but it does get easier, and most important educate your family. Good luck to all my brothers and sisters who share this disease, you are not alone. God Bless you and hold that head high and keep fighting. And for those of you who have never sufferes from fibro, depression or choronic fatigue you should keep your comments to yourself if you don't have something encouraging to say. Thank You
Posted by: rebecca at January 14, 2007 5:27 AM
Hello,
I know about something that may be worth reading: http://www.gojihealthstories.com/storiesfibro.htm
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Best.
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Posted by: Cathy at July 17, 2007 4:57 AM
I have severe fibromyalgia, chronic myofascial pain on Rt side, and chronic fatigue syndrome!! I had to resign from my job as office manager of a realty company and am down to the bottom of the barrel so to speak. I have 3 kids and one has many health problems that we have to deal with. I can't hardly even type this because my hands just don't work right anymore! They swell, my feet swell, I don't sleep well at all, every bone in my body hurts and is sore to the touch, I have severe bursitis in both shoulders, IBS, IC, Migraines, my legs and knees hurt, I can't stoop or bend or lift a milk jug or tea jug, I can't open bottles anymore, I have NO Energy AT ALL!! I am suffering from severe depression and panic attacks! I can't hardly get out of bed anymore, I can't do things for my husband or children that I need to do, like cook and clean- just light housework I can manage. I have looked for a support group in my area and there are none so wanted to reach out to someone to see if they had found anything that has helped them at all! Because, nothing really helps that much. I take pain meds 24 hrs a day just to get out of bed and function at all and nerve pills for my nerves and panic attacks and no depression meds help because of the side affects. And, don't feel alone about the pain meds because no doctor really wants to give them to us... they make you feel like a pill head and that is just NOT the case. I never took anything before I was in a wreck in June of 2006 and that is what brought all of this on! It is a nightmare!! I just want my life back and to not be a burden to everyone in my life. Does anyone else feel that way?? Please write back if you have time.
Signed, Looking for understanding/Tina
Posted by: Tina Poole at September 27, 2007 11:05 AM
i have fibro depression, chronic pain from having 11 screws and 4 metal plates improperly installed in my neck from a car crash in 2002. i have two pins in my left shoudler. they took bone from my right hip and fused my neck at c-5-6-7 withit. i dont feel well. cant get out of bed and feel like i am not gonna live much longer at 52 am lucky to be here now....i have tried every single drug for every single illness i have and cant take drugs anymore for hte side effects. they make me feel worse, i tried noni juice and everything glousamine chrondriotn etc. nothing helps me. am on ssdi. itis not much
Posted by: amy at December 30, 2007 10:53 AM
am typing w/ 1 hand, my 5 yr old asleep in my arms. he woke me min's after i fell asleep. so grateful to hear stories of other moms...so hard and heartbreaking in so many ways. i don't know any1 else as sick, poor and struggling as me. the worst...my child suffers through no fault of his own. so sad!
Posted by: anna at January 10, 2008 10:24 PM
hmm this is not the threath ik but look im 15 and rightnow the gf which i loved with all mah heart and was ready to give mah life 4 broke up with meh and told meh that she didnt think we could be like we used to..and i saw that on google..and thats the first site..so i gotta ask ya ppl im never gonna got over it and i wont ever smile again but how do i atleast want to live mah life..cuz rightno i see no point to live on
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