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March 16, 2006

Thanks for the Memories!

What a glorious day it is here in Hamilton! The sun is shining, the birds are singing their heads off, the temperature is bearable....a perfect spring day! I look out the window at my flower beds and see the tips of all the tulips, daffodils and hyacinths poking through the soft soil and it makes me feel so grateful just to be alive.
These feelings are so far removed from where I was two years ago; my emotions were totally at the opposite end of the scale.
This very week in 2004, my husband and I were anxiously awaiting the results of the mediastinoscopy and bronchoscopy that the surgeon had performed on the 10th of March. As you know from my very first post, the outcome was devastating. Stage 3B Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer (sub-type: Adenocarcinoma). The tumor was situated outside my right lung on a lymph node, pushed snuggly up against my esophagus. Explains why I had difficulty swallowing. Of course, they were still referring to the tumor as a large, hard mass. (sheesh...just call a spade a spade, why don't ya?) Sometimes the language of medicine is so polite, as though by NOT using more descriptive words, the psyche will not be offended.
So where was I...oh yes, Mark and I had just been given my diagnosis. We left the surgeon's office in a daze and made our way to the parking lot. Walking through the hallways of the hospital, I clutched Mark's arm and tried very hard to hold back the tears. Once we got outside, I let go completely. We stood and held each other while I sobbed uncontrollaby and Mark did his best to stay strong and positive about the whole situation. His words of comfort hardly registered as my mind raced at 100 miles an hour. It's not stage 4, so that's good, right? Stage 4 is terminal and the doctor said 3B, right? How much of a chance do I have? What do they mean, "we haven't been able to locate your primary site"? Lymph node involvement means it has started to spread...would they be able to treat me in time to keep the disease from spreading any further? All these questions and more competed for room in my mind as we drove silently for awhile.
Dr. Bennett told me that his secretary would book an appointment for me with the cancer clinic and I would be assigned to an oncologist who would begin treatment. "The sooner, the better." he had said. Would it be soon enough?

Posted by Sue Checkley at 01:37 PM | Comments (0)

March 14, 2006

I'm still standing!

Sometimes I'm sitting and sometimes I'm laying down but most of all, I'm still breathing. It's been almost 2 years since I logged on here but it's taken that long to be able to write about this without crying.
Now don't get me wrong, crying can be a great emotional release (Lord knows I've done my share) but I was doing so much of it I was in a deep, dark pit most of the time. Writing about how it feels to have lung cancer was not helping me feel stronger. If anything, it felt worse seeing it in black and white print.
This is where I share some spectacular news; my oncologist says "it appears as though I may be in remission". I like the way the doc words that...he'd make a good politician! Doesn't matter though! I like the "R" word.
I just finished reading some disturbing news regarding lung cancer...it is the most common cancer worldwide and 1.2 million people on this globe will be diagnosed with lung cancer this year alone. Most upsetting of all...someone, somewhere dies of lung cancer every 30 seconds! Taking that into consideration, I realize more than ever how fortunate I am to still be alive after 2 years.
Well, this is a start at making a comeback with entries. Enough for tonight. It's 2:30 a.m. and I'm finally tired. Goodnight!

Posted by Sue Checkley at 11:15 PM | Comments (1)