April 06, 2006
What is the "New Normal"?
Attended a panel discussion on Tuesday night entitled, "Life After Treatment-The New Normal". It was presented by Wellwood, the volunteer-run association that helps cancer patients deal with their diagnosis and teaches them how to live the best they can with their disease.
Most of the people in attendance were fresh out of treatment, some only by days or weeks. A few had finished several months back, but it appeared that I was one of, if not the only person who was a couple of years into post-treatment.
Don't get me wrong...I'm very grateful that I've made it this far (2 years since the diagnosis) and I treat every day as a gift. I've read the stats and a very small percentage (15% to be exact) make it to the 5 year marker. It's just that I'm having a great deal of difficulty trying to adjust to living and managing everyday things as simple as taking a bath or making the bed.
After coming home from the hospital in August of 2004, it's been one thing after another, health-wise. First came the radiation-induced pneumonia, followed by pleuritic pain and difficulty swallowing. The Christmas after treatment was frustrating due to the fact that I couldn't eat the beautifully-browned turkey I had cooked. Next came the oxygen therapy because my levels were down to 85 at rest. Learning to adjust to sleeping with a canula up my nose was anxiety provoking, to say the least, as I can't stand anything over my face when I'm having trouble breathing. Every time I made progress in whatever was ailing me at the moment, I'd try to plan on getting back to work...but to no avail. As one set of side effects would clear, along would come another new issue to deal with.
At one point I was introduced to a woman and her partner who were running a rehab exercise program for cancer patients. It was twice weekly for a period of ten weeks and I actually made some improvement on my muscle strength and breathing capacity. It was a year after treatment ended that I felt (I thought) well enough to plan a return to work. Between my doctors, employer and insurance provider, we worked out a graduated return to work program that would see me phase in over a period of three months, until I reached full-time hours and was back to "normal".
Six weeks into the program, I crashed! Hit with another bout of pneumonia and a delayed depression, I just couldn't keep going any longer. The physical and emotional exhaustion knocked me flat on my rear and there was no getting up again for another four months. This was a very dark time for me and without the help of anti-depressants I believe I wouldn't have seen the sun again, figuratively-speaking.
So now we're closing in on Christmas 2005 and I'm thinking, "Now that I'm feeling better, maybe I can try going back to work!" The goal was to wait until the beginning of the new year and start back again in January. Well, guess what? Here I am having trouble breathing again, chest pains, my fibromyalgia and hiatal hernia and GERD have flared up to the point that it's a daily occurrence and my life is anything but comfortable. I'm on enough pain medication to drop an elephant and that's just to keep me functioning so I can stay on my feet and out of bed.
So I ask myself, what is normal for me now? Is this an example of how my life will be from now on? I'm grateful that I'm a two year survivor, but staying positive 24/7 can be difficult at times. My oncologist told me a couple of weeks ago that "this is as good as it's going to get." So now I have to wrap my head around a whole new way of thinking and approaching daily living. Life sure as hell isn't boring!!!
Posted by Sue Checkley on April 6, 2006 10:35 AM