Every teenager wants something "yesterday" or "last week" ! Mine did. But as they have grown into adulthood, they remember how hard I worked, not the months I spent in bed or in the hospital. With lupus, I found that the blessing it bestowed upon our family was the need for total, absolute, honesty in communications. We all knew that if asked, we would not have asked to be drafted onto a team with a member who had SLE. But when my mind was clear, they had a non-judgemental, loving parent who listened to them; and was totally direct as to what help she could provide on that specific day or hour, and what was impossible. And if the situation changed, I was just as flexible in coming to their help, even if two hours before I said it would be impossible. So there was consistency in that truth was always the arbiter of all discussions. What was, just was. When you learn to deal with reality, without feeling guilty, unloved or that someone is punishing you or being vindictive, you have the most important tool to make it through life.

And if I was working hard, I didn't put my work on hold to do some tiny errand at their beck and call. Things were done in bunches, scheduled when more than one errand could be accommodated. We lived up on a mountain, and last minute trips involved a long distance. And with three miles of pot holed dirt road, every bump was sheer agony for my body. Even if I hadn't been in such pain, I confess, I was and am an efficiency nut, who wasn't going to loose two hours of work time to do something that could wait when three errands could be done at the same time. People have to learn flexibility. My friends that came from huge families have a wonderful kind of serenity about them. Mom couldn't be there for ten kids at all times, so other siblings took over that role when Mom was busy or not available. And they grew up to be very loving, serene people who just go with the flow. And a Mom with Lupus is a lot like that. You're a great role model, Lisa. Your kids are lucky to have you. Kid's pick up when their Moms don't care. (They are at the country club, the hairdresesers, don't know the names of any of their teachers, and are just never THERE physically or emotionally). You may be dead tired at times, but nothing can mask how much you love and care about your kids and their well being. Kids that are an active part in a working, caring family with responsibilities of their own that are age appropriate, do well as adults. It's the children that don't do a thing as an integral part of the family unit ,children who have nothing expected of them at all, that seem to suffer later on. And your kids are going to do great. They've got you, Lisa.