January 12, 2005
Crow for dinner anyone?
The coworker I was complaining about earlier has been one of my best friends for over 30 years and I know in my heart she is trying to make life easier for me, I tried to delete that entry because I hope she never sees it, it would hurt her feelings so badly to know what I was thinking and I would never want to do that. Sometimes the pain gets so bad it muddles your thinking and you get almost to a point where you think everyone is against you. Realistically I am probaly going to wind up on disability and why should she not try to get a better position for herself if I am not going to be there? I just do not know what is going on in my head anymore. I am angry, in pain, easily drawn to tears and in general just feel really messed up. I am crankier with my kids than I ever was before and it does not help not having a home! I want to be at my house, I want to sleep in my bed, I want to be able to get away if need be and to be honest I just need some space. I am the type of person who requires alone time at least a little bit every day and I have not had that for quite some time now and that is driving me nuts and I can not concentrate at work at all anymore, there are just so many things going on all at once. Trying to get things moving so I can go home, and trying to get the kids switched at school, trying to get some understanding from my husband, trying to keep the kids quiet so they do not get on their grandparents nerves, money to move, then my car died today, actually it did not die just the water pump needed repplaced so now I do not even have a car-it should be ready tommorow though-damn considering I just went through a flood-the old saying when it rains it pours rings so true right now-LOL. At least I still have some sense of humour somewhere-it is just so hard to find right now. I feel more stressed than any one person should ever feel. Like right now while I am trying to relax and write in here and just calm down-my son will not quit bitching about everything! None of the things are in my control and he is 15 but sounds 2! I keep telling myself that his world is being disrupted also but right this minute it does not help. It is like he does not care that I said I was going to try and relax for a little while and he said oh and started in on me right then. And has not let up one little bit.
Anyway I am going to wrap this up because that is apparently the only way I am going to get a break from his mouth is to leave the room plus I have to bring the dog in or he will bitch and whine more if I ask him to because for some reason he thinks his whole life should just be playing. I am so tired of my family expecting me to do everything for them all the time and when they are asked to pitch in they throw a fit!! I NEED A BREAK SOMEWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Lisa on January 12, 2005 05:15 PM