Main » June 2005
June 20, 2005
Life, love and fury
I have been stuck at a dead end job for ever 5 years, one which I came back from medical leave to be treated like I was suddenly incapapbe of doing my job. I have stuck it out for whatever reason(just a glutton I guess). Anyway the insurance company watns me to go to work for them-it is dealing with people which I love, it is sels which I love, and it is NOT BEHIND A DESK which I hate being chained to a desk! I am not a desk monkey! I am so angry because my book will be here tuesday and I already have a presentation scheduled for July 1st even though I am not totally licensed yet which is why my boss will be in charge of it even though it is mine through my contacts.
All of this aside I said to my DH that I was going to put in my two week notice today and he acted like a horses ass!! He has been through numerous jobs since we have been here and I have been at the same one the whole time-all I am asking for is his support but he can not give it. This has caused me to rethink my marriage as well as my career.
I am sick-not dead and dammitt I do have a say in how I run my life. My job now is the most stressful event in my life with my husbands lack of support a close second!
HELP-I feel like I am falling with out a net................
June 11, 2005
Pedicure, manicure, wow-I feel like a girl!
I won a contest at work and was given a gift certificate to a local spa here, so this morning I went and had a pedicure (first one in my life) and a manicure. Talk about a wonderful way to start the day! I feel so girly and feminine. It was wonderful and relaxing.
That made me think of all the times we do not take time for ourselves though. If you are a wife and a mother you especially know what I am talking about. Seems there is a guilt factor involved with doing anything for ourselves. I called my mother this morning to tell her what I was doing and the first thing I said was "it is free" why do I feel like I have to explain that? It is odd how women have no problem spending money on their husbands and children but when it comes to themselves it is different. I work outside the home, I work in the home and yet I feel as if I am not supposed to do anything "nice" for me. That is the way alot of my friends are also. I think having lupus and already having to have so much in terms of medicine and time off for doctor visits makes me feel like I am not really entitled to anything "nice" for me since I require so much as it is. It would be interesting to hear from other women if they tend to feel the same way?
Keep smiling-namaste :)
June 09, 2005
I love Naples!
I am so in love with the area of Naples! It was so beautiful and clean looking. We went to the beach (me and sunscreen and cover ups and an umbrella) and all the way out all you could feel was sand under your feet-IT was fantastic! We all had a great time and we are all 100% certain that we want to move back to florida.
It was the most fun I have had in a long time-it was a hard trip but so worth it. It was nice to just forget about everything even if it was only for a short time.
Then had to come home go back to work and reality and that was not so great. I ended up in the hospital again and they said my thyroid had bottomed out? I am still confused on what that means but all I know is I was really sick. They also dx'd me with "unstable" angina. That was what sent me to the ER-I thought I was having a heart attack. Talk about scary and panicked feeling. Wow. Now I have to go have a stress test. I am thinking-I have alot of stress so it should be easy to pass a stress test-LOL.
Other than that not alot has been going on-the kids are out of school for the summer and my daughter turns 14 on tuesday-where does the time go? When I was younger I used to think I would never "grow up" now it seems like I can not slow time down. My kids it seems are appreciative of being young though, they seem to be in no hurry to grow up and be saddled with all the responsiblities that come with adulthood. I guess that is the difference in growing up in an abusive household versus an non-abusive household. I could not wait to grow up and get away from my parents-so it is reaffirming to me that my kids do not seem to be in a huge hurry to do so-must be doing something right :)
As a parent I guess you always second guess yourself, and I think you do more so when you have achronic illness simply because you wonder if you are cheating your kids out of "normalcy". But really when you think about it the definition of normal is pretty broad. What seems normal in one home is definitely abnormal in another.
Anyway heres hoping we all have a safe, healthy summer :)
Keep smiling and namaste :)