February 18, 2006
fat, scarred and less than human............that is my future
Have not updated since right before the rhuemy visit because I have been very depressed...........unless they do a spinal tap they can not confirm that I have lupoid sclerosis even though the majority of the bloodwork came back indicating that I probably do, that was not a huge surprise, it was depressing but not a big surprise. The big surprise was that my thyroid (once overactive) is now producing NO thyroid hormone and I am back on 30 mgs a day of steroids, indefinetly. I go to the endocrinologist on Wednesday and they said not to be surprised if with all the hot nodules and goiters if they want to remove the thyroid. For those of you who do not know how that is done-they cut your throat. Lovely scar huh?
One of the psychological problems I carry from my past is the FEAR of being fat-I rarely eat a dessert due to calorie content and I rarely eat seconds even if I am still hungry because I know there are fat genes waiting to get out. Now with the thyroid not working and on the steroids for who knows how long-I am going to get fat also. How much more can one person take before they give up? I am still running a fever and feel like hell, hurt all over and now this too. I know I am sounding like I am having a pity party and that is why I waited to update because I was much more depressed a couple of days ago. I guess when I think about doing this diary I wanted to make people feel positive about the disease and educate them as well but lately it is so hard to be positive........there is blood in my urine so there may be kidney involvement with this flare as well. Sorry to sound so negative but there just was not any good news for me..............maybe next time?
Namaste all :)
Posted by Lisa on February 18, 2006 9:30 AM