August 22, 2004
All Roads Lead To....Where?
I keep asking myself where I am heading with this. Am I really going to get better or am I just deluding myself-trying to make myself believe I will get better? It's Sunday morning, we got back late last night from Washington...another long trip. I took my first dose of Zoloft yesterday. I am thinking it should be a night time medication, since I slept most of the way back. Michael said at least it helped with the panic attacks I could have had being stuck in traffic on I-5. I really should look it up on the internet and see what the contraindications are with my seizure medications, but right now I am just waking up. It's weird, I always look things like that up before I start taking a new medication but I didn't do that this time. While the kids slept in the back of the van last night, Michael and I talked. I told him how I wish I could be "normal" and be able to do the things I used to be able to do. I told him every day I ask myself what I did that was so bad that all the higher beings I believe in would do something like this to me, make me have to deal with this. He said that our illnesses are not a punishment for anything, just a way of testing our strength. I suppose he's right.
Michael said that today was my day to rest and take it easy since I have been pushing myself a lot harder than I should lately. But I need to keep going, keep doing things. They need to get done and I need to do something to keep my mind off this, maybe if I do something productive I will have one day without being afraid I will have a panic attack over what other people would think was absolutely nothing.
Posted by Rose S. on August 22, 2004 10:14 AM
Wow, I came across this journal and thought I'd written it myself! I have had TLE (temporal lobe epilepsy) for about 5 years now but I just started getting agoraphobia about a year ago. Most of my friends and family simply think I'm being stubborn when I explain how I feel, that I don't want to do things, that I'm lazy, etc.--after reading your postings, I feel 100% better! At least I know I'm not the only one in the world feeling this way....
Posted by: Re at May 26, 2005 11:43 PM
hi my name is chrysti and i go to canyon and we are doing a research project on agoraphobia and we have to make a video and use real life experiences of what that person is actually going through, if you could write back i would love to just even hear what you do daily (: thanks sooo much!
Posted by: chrysti at April 13, 2009 12:01 PM