Health Diaries > Bipolar Disorder > Handcuffed to the Roller Coaster
April 19, 2005
Paranoia
It seems that no sooner are things going right for me than my brain takes off running with some crazy thought. Anyone who says dismissively "Oh, you're just being paranoid", needs to be stripped, shackled, and forced to live in my brain when I get delusional. Paranoia isn't a small thing, and it isn't funny.
This week, it was my job (as usual). Our building's owner came to the office building I work at over the weekend, and I met him at a secure garage he keeps his personal items in. It was a pretty typical thing. Then, after he was gone, I started worrying. Maybe he'd just come to test our response time? Maybe I should have asked to see his ID? Maybe this was some setup to fire me for failure to act properly?
Of course, my head took off and ran with it. Telling myself that these thoughts were ridiculous and grandiose did absolutely no good at all. I could only manage by not thinking at all. A dreadful way to spend a weekend. Of course, when I went back to work, no one even mentioned the incident.
Paranoia. It's a less-than-fun part of bipolar disorder. Sometimes, there's nothing you can do but hang on, grit your teeth, and try and keep it from getting psychotic on you. It's tough, but there are no easy answers in bipolar.
Posted by Susan on April 19, 2005 9:44 PM
