Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team

September 16, 2004

Tara.....

Tara is really struggling........Something traumatic happened at school and it has really triggered Tara. A 6 year old girl from my school witnessed her father murder her mother a few nights ago. Tara hears people talking about it. She has been so scared but more than that, she has been desperately wanting "a mother". I can't stop her screaming in my head. All I hear over and over again is "i want my mommy. i need my mommy. where is my mommy?" She thinks something horrible is going to happen to her too because she is also 6 years old. She is terrified and feels abandoned and just..........distraught. I don't know how to handle her. When she gets this bad, I can't separate myself from her. I don't know how to comfort her because I am feeling the same way too. I can't be the calming and supportive adult for her. I'm too confused and overwhelmed by all of the feelings too. When I feel like this, I want a mommy too. Why don't we both have a mommy? It's not fair. I'm scared too. I feel abandoned too. Even though my 29 adult self knows that in reality we are safe.......when an alter is feeling these things as strongly as Tara is right now.......her feelings win. They are stronger than reality. They are our truth. They are what controls us. We sit in fear and sadness and abandonment.......................we want a mommy

Posted by Butterflyteam on September 16, 2004 8:17 PM