Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team

June 6, 2006

bad day.....

today has not been a good day. it has to do with the date. can't really write about it other than saying i've been in a constant state of panic. i haven't slept more than 3 hours in the past 48 hours.

i tried to stay as busy as possible. i went to my niece's dress rehearsal for her dance recital. there were TONS of girls ranging in age from 3 years old to seniors in high school all in this big auditorium. they were all in their costumes mainly consisting of dance leotards. seeing all of these little and young girls' bodies was way too triggering for me, especially on a day like today. now, all i keep seeing is images of my body being raped at all of those ages that those girls were.

i can't do this anymore. the panic is increasing the later it gets and the darker it gets. it's night time again. i can't have the same night as i did last night crouched into a small corner of my closet ALL NIGHT LONG. i can't. i don't know what to do anymore.

Posted by Butterflyteam on June 6, 2006 5:59 PM