April 14, 2005
Multiple Blog Personality Disorder AKA Xanax take me away
I have lots of blogs.
I seem to start a new one with each new swing of the pendulum.
It's a cycle ya know?
I feel bad so I start writing about feeling bad in my blogs.
Then I feel guilty about carrying on about how depressed I am and want to write about it somewhere else.
So I start a new blog.
I have lots of blogs.
I have five other blogs that I mostly keep up with now.
Well by mostly I mean kind of.
And by five I mean two.
This space is new and scary for me.
I mean everyone here knows I have depression so I dont have to feel bad about writing about it.
I feel guilty about feeling guilty about writing about being depressed.
I dont have my normal reasons to run and hide and feel worse about things.
I will probably end up blogging more in my other ones now and this one will become a specter of depressed expectations hanging over my shoulder.
Or maybe I will write here everyday, happy to have a space where I am allowed to be me.
Who knows.
But the sun is up and I am tired.
My brain spins out of control faster even than the Xanax that was supposed to allow me to sleep.
I will figure out what kind of space this is for me another time.
I have to go and face a few of my other demons right now...
Posted by Rai on April 14, 2005 06:30 AM