Main » April 2006
April 26, 2006
Tail Spin
For most of my growing up life 75% of me didn't think that I was going to live that long.
I figured I would reach 21 but I never thought that I would reach 25.
During each downward spiral of depression I always wonder if this will be the one that I don't get back up from.
It's morbid but it just is how it is.
25% of me however, always thought I would make it through.
I think that 25% of me pulled me through my deepest darkest moments.
I'm 30 now.
I turned 30 last Thanksgiving.
I'm 30 and I am looking at the wreckage of my life and I wonder how in the hell did I get here?
I haven't finished college.
I have a job at a store that is owned by my parents.
I have loads of debt from hospital stays and college loans from my many failed attempts to get through school.
I dont feel like I have good options in front of me because even though I am still alive, I am still sick.
I haven't "beaten" depression.
It still kicks me in the ass pretty badly on at least a monthly basis.
I just don't know what to do.
I just really don't know what to do.
Posted by Rai at 01:12 PM | Comments (0)
April 05, 2006
Depression Has Got Me By the Short Hairs
I am having a really bad time of it right now.
My depression has got me by the short hairs.
I'm trying to keep a stiff upper lip and just deal with it as people would prefer that I do but man...
I'm struggling.
I know that when people compare my life to other people's lives they are just trying to show me that I could have it worse.
Being depressed doesn't make me stupid.
I am completely and totally aware of the fact that other people have worse things going on in their lives than I do.
Really I got it.
So not only am I wrestling with my depression, I am wrestling with my temper.
Because when people so grandly point out that I "don't have it that bad", I must then resist the urge to kick the shit out of them.
I am very tired.
I have insomnia.
I am unhappy with my life.
I just don't know what to say anymore.
Posted by Rai at 11:25 PM | Comments (0)
