April 16, 2006
Today is easter, its supposed to be a time of celebration. I hate what its turned into though. Its not supposed to be about easter baskets, bunny rabbits and stuff like that.
My counsoler has a good expression she likes to use. *start where you are at* That means cant expect yourself to be 100% fixed or to do stuff that might not be realistic. You can always work towards a goal but you should expect to find yourself at the finish line right away. I like that expression.
I took sometime to think about *where i am at* today. This is sorta what i came up with.
I trust no one. Trust is something that has to be earned. At this point have no reason to trust anyone. I have every reason not to trust anyone. Maybe that will change one day, maybe it wont.
One other thing i've learned is not to let other people run my life. I shouldnt have to sacrafice my values to make others feel good. I have a right to believe in what I choose to believe in. No one should have the right to take that away from me.
Amy has been around lots latley. I actually kinna think its funny. Shes got a mouth on her. Shes told off a few people in the last week. Jill has been around alot too. I think shes excited about going to see our new mom and dad. I dont think they understand the whole did thing but thats ok. It is sorta a hard concept to understand. How exactly do you explain that there are other people living inside of you with out making yourself sound crazy? I thought about looking stuff up for them to read but it all sounds weird either that or i find something that says i'm just trying to brush off responsibility or something like that. That isnt true at all. Its also hard to explain how i can be multiple ages all at the same time. Theyve invented almost everything, it would be nice if they could make a gadget that just automatically made people understand stuff.
I've finished 3 classes already. I'm pretty excited about that. Its real school too. I'm trying to get my diploma. Only 11 more courses left to go. I actually need to slow down a bit. Its supposed to take me 2 years, and at this rate, i'll be done by then end of the summer. That wouldnt be so bad, if i can figure out a way to pay off the course sooner.
Right now i have a 91% average. Its not all that great cause i think i can do better.
Today was also my oldest girls birthday. She turned 3 today. I love her soooooooo much. She opened up a few presents first thing this morning. Then we went outside and played. I cant believe how big she is getting. I just sat and looked at her for a while today and almost started crying. I know mom's are supposed to be partial to their own kids and say they are beautiful and stuff, but she really is. I am really hopeing she gets into the dress up stage in the next couple years. I want to go out and buy her all the princess clothes they make. Shes going to have a boyfriend by second grade.
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