Becoming My Passion: November 2004 Archives

Health Diaries » Becoming My Passion » November 2004

November 29, 2004

Day 11 to Change

Weight: ???? Afraid to check
Food eaten: 4 cheese and ham grilled sandwiches, 1 chocolate ice cream bar, bowl tomato soup, bowl roasted chicken soup,2 soda pops, 1 pot of green tea

Exodus: Going to friends for Turkey dinner in about 5 hours, but have to stop at Mechanics for car to be looked at.

Exercise: None.

Hygiene: No shower yet

Writing: None yet

Chores: None yet

Meditation: None

It hasn�t been a great couple weeks. It�s been a while since I posted because I�ve been caught up in, the holiday blues quite frankly.

It�s been a couple weeks since I�ve had a shower and even though I�ve done some hand towel bathing it�s not the same as getting your whole body wet. I�m feeling so depressed lately that I can feel myself slipping back into my hovel. I don�t date tell my therapists because I�m supposed to be getting better. Nothing is really going my way, but then I�m so messed up that �my way� is probably not a good path for even me.

I started gaining weight again, I can tell by the circumference of my stomach, and the spare tired that�s turning into something to fit an 18-wheeler! I was doing so good when I was posting here regularly, but right now I just want to be completely inert!

I�m going to post this and one way or another get ready to get out of here, but I really just want to sleep. I�m so out of control of my life!

It seems everything I do to help myself feels like an anvil that I can�t push off my chest! I know everyone thinks I�m better but am I? Am I really? Maybe this is one of those darknesses that come before the light!
Right now it�s pretty dark in here, I can�t see me at all, not the real me.

Posted by ijellorca at 1:11 PM | Comments (1)

November 29, 2004

Day 11 to Change

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