March 2, 2005
Day 19 to something
Today I did okay with the workout but I was very tired and stiff when I got home. I ate a lean cuisine with about 7 oz of baked salmon. I also ate about 10 cashews. Didn’t get the food in until 1:30pm, about 30 minutes later I got sick, intestinal runs. I know the salmon was good so maybe it was the spinach in the lean cuisine? I don’t know. Later around 8pm I had a Braunschweiger sandwich and corned beef sandwich. They went down really good and satisfied me. That was my food for the day. I drank 4 bottles of water. I’m going to watch some DVDs now and call it a day. I’m tired. I think I’ll grab a couple of icees too.
My frame of mind has loosened somewhat, still hating the struggle and wondering about my true feelings for me. We’ll see how the rest of the week goes. I’m waiting for those cooler soft packs to come in so that I can keep my day’s food with me always have something to eat every couple hours. I’ve got to do something! Today when I looked in the mirror at the gym, I would have thrown up if I had had any food in my stomach to throw up! The big heap of fat I saw looking back at me just disgusts me to no end.
I’ll try not to think about it so that I can go to bed instead of really working on a way to do myself in faster than being overweight or not eating. I must think of a way to get myself through this dark time in my life.