Flailing unproductive as sleep plays hide and seek

I’ve got to get off of this emotional roller coaster. I’ve already gained one pound! I’m trying to brace myself to keep myself from wigging completely out. I’m still sore from the fall, and bruised. You wish you could slap people for being so careless or force them through the results of their ineptitude, but alas I’ve not the spirit or gumption to enforce either. First of all I’m not a violent person and second I never want people to experience the awful things that I do, no matter how inconsiderate or evil they are. I just can’t hate. It’s a wee bit disappointing sometimes, because it seems like a little restitution would feel comforting. It leaves me sort of deflated and powerless against those that would and do “harm” me in some manner. I guess I’d rather live in a world of love, kindness and goodwill. I’m the type that’s likely to get murdered by the person I’d plead clemency for. When you get right down to it, the creepy things we do affect us more than anyone else. Damage we do to others they can be healed from, yet, we still have to answer to God in ways that are never worth it. Besides there’s always that chance that a person’s heart can change for the better. This is not to say I’d ever advocate putting killers back out on the street because their mothers or fathers beat them or made them wear girl clothes, etc. We all have free will, free choice to not continue legacies of victimization perpetrated upon us. Beyond that, letting people who are unable to control their vicious urges back on the street only sets their souls up for worse tragedies. Spiritual ones. Real love begs us to protect each other even from ourselves. Well, so I think anyways. I'm tired.

I hope my sleep schedule gets straightened out along with my eating routine and exercise. One of these days I’m going to get this routine down. One of these days!
I feel hungry right now and it’s 12 am. I’m craving potatoes really bad.(Carboholic that I am) I really should keep some on hand just to have a baked one when I’m feeling hungry late like now, a simple microwaved potato without butter and junk is really filling to me. That is as long as I can put on pepper and oregano.

Blood pressure’s sure been up. I look forward to shaking off some of this tired aura tomorrow, oops later today I should say.

157/88 BP 68 pulse - up -01 - Total Lost 043 - 373 till Goal
Foods Eaten:
Hot & sour soup/rice
Spamich
3 cookies
Snapple ice tea

Posted by ijellorca on September 22, 2006 12:41 AM | DIGG | del.icio.us | furl