Changes I can live with!

I know it’s been a couple months, but things have been spectacularly wild. I finally found some tranquility though. I am in the new place. The move was awful, but I’m through it. There are boxes everywhere, class has started and I am so thankful I made the move. The neighbor with all the problems blew up at me the last minute after I moved and it was really displaced aggression and anger. Instead of my usual way of dealing with relationships, I didn’t try to work it out or talk it through with her. I was in the middle of having just moved and I was stressed. I let her yell and rant and rave and talk rather crazy and just calmly let her hang up on me. I was so tired of everything that I was near tears then I remembered that I can’t be responsible for other people’s issues and I truly had enough on my plate as it was. She never called back and I just pray for her to work things out in her life and her heart. She was such a sad case emotionally. I tried so hard to help her with food, and used of my car, and even financially occasionally, but in the end I really think her anger was fear of what things would be like for her after I moved. I think she had a hard time with that and it came out in anger. Unfortunately she constantly interrupted my studying and she was loud and demanding. I blame myself for being so permissive. I always believed that people should self regulate when you offer help, but that just isn’t something you can do with people lacking this kind of maturity. I guess realistically if they were capable of this understanding they probably would not need so much help in so many areas of their lives. This is an issue I have to be stronger with: letting people stand on their own two feet so they can build up the strength to deal with life when I’m not around. I want to be all about empowerment, not causing dependency on me. God bless her and keep her safe.

Now I can get up study, unpack boxes, sit and think, whatever, without interruptions or fear of drop in company. My dogs have a big back yard to walk out to and play. I have felt so calm that my appetite is just about absent. I’ve lost 13 lbs since I moved. I drink or chew on ice from the icy bottles that I make each day. I have been trying to get myself to commit to eating breakfast, but alas my stomach, mind and complete system seems to reject the thought intrinsically. Yesterday I had a granny smith apple and it went down okay, but couldn’t seem to face it today. I’ve been trying to cook lots of veggies and protein. I know I am a carboholic, but the loss of appetite has squashed most of my cravings for it. I even feel better about myself lately. I feel more appreciative of my quirks and ways of thinking. It’s like I was a lab rat smashed in a cage with 40 other rats experiencing all the pernicious deviances from overcrowding they’ve documented in research, and now I’m in my own cage (smile) and happily enjoying the quiet and non-pressure from everyone else’s lives around me. That is a very good thing. I don’t even remember the last time I felt this much peace! (Even with a whole garage of unpacked boxes.)

At night the Mp3 goes in and I can just let my finger weave me into my favorite world of words and sentences and colorful descriptions. Everything is starting to fall into place around me including the tranquil personal space I require to think clearly and produce as a writer. I am becoming less and less reactive to things that would normally set me off. The class I’m in currently deals with psychology of health and all aspects of it. It’s extremely motivating health wise. I am finally making the connection for getting healthy. I don’t worry about food tasting good now when I eat, I just think of what I tend to miss, protein and fiber hence the focus on protein and veggies. I get in more than a gallon of water daily now. My skin is clearer and I’m feeling better even in my joints and limbs. The next post I'll start my numbers up again to monitor the changes.

I pray the momentum continues.

Posted by ijellorca on July 11, 2007 2:17 AM | DIGG | del.icio.us | furl

1. Posted by Elizabeth on July 11, 2007