Working through it all

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Blood Pressure: 000/00 Pulse: 00

Didn’t get the BP readings today, maybe tomorrow. Felt sick all day, after a few trips to the restroom, I’m not as nauseous; it’s either hormones or toxic by products as the weight drops. I’m down 22lbs since May 27th, which is good. My motivation is returning with the healthy information I’m assimilating and the non-existent constant stress from my old residence. It’s so peaceful here without the threat of someone bothering me; I can’t begin to explain how it has affected me. Even if I approach the best ways to describe it, it’s still quantum leaps away from just how much it is affecting me. It really tells me how detrimental stress in our lives. Way more than transfat if you ask me!

Despite my dizziness all day I still completed my assignment in class with hours to spare. Tomorrow I do hope to write more. I’m working through it all. My big goal, ring in the new year with a new body and attitude and yes I started a couple months ago, but I’ve got a lot to wrestle with. I look at my clothes and they’re so baggy and ridiculous. Once I get a few major spare tire bulges down I vow to buy more form fitting clothing. I’m beginning to see how tent clothing doesn’t do me justice, or even inspire me. How did I get to the point of believe I don’t deserve to look “HUMAN?” Self-esteem damages no doubt. I am human and I deserve better! My body may not be shaped nice like someone Height weight proportionate, but it’s still a body and clothes aren’t too hide but accept what you have. Big words I know, but truly, I’m starting to see how true these words are. I am human and I have a right to look as good as my body can look with the shape it is at any one time. I’m going to keep saying these words to myself till cement further because I so matter. The tears, yup, I can’t help but feel so bad for how I’ve treated me all these years. Punishing myself for the way other people treated me instead of standing tall and demanding better. Even I mistreated me, why the heck wouldn’t anyone else. God Bless the Angels that saw through all that to the real me. God Bless them.

Posted by ijellorca on July 13, 2007 12:29 AM | DIGG | del.icio.us | furl