Inner Siftings

Kick The Can

Fri, 29 Jun 2007 20:06:17 -0800

This was a segment from "Twilight Zome: The Movie" that Steven Spielberg directed.

A synopsis from The Movies Made Me Do It:

This is a film about youth -- about appreciating who you are, not how old you are. "Kick the Can" is the name of this one, and it's about a man -- Mr. Bloom (Scatman Crothers) -- who comes to stay at an old age home, where everyone is tired...and slow...and confined to their routines. There is one man who always waits on his soon to come and take him out for the day, but he never does. These are people at the end of their lives, abandoned by their loved ones and forced into their lives of sameness. When Mr. Bloom arrives, he shakes things up and starts showing the residents that they have more to offer. One night, as everyone sneaks out for a rebellious game of 'kick the can', the old men and women start turning into children again, revealing that Mr. Bloom has a little more magic to him that originally thought. The children run and dance and sing and play and have a great time, until they realize that their lives as old people really weren't so bad at all. Spielberg's entry into the film is certainly the sweetest, the most powerful, and the most imaginative. It's not a horror film so much as a drama with some fantastical elements. It has the trademark Spielberg feel to it, and I wish that he had turned this into a feature length film, because there's much more material to explore.

Links To Lighten The Load

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 02:43:29 -0800

In putting together this post I began thinking of being a kid and playing doctor (no, not THAT kind...) and we'd use M&Ms for pills, the various colors would be for different ailments. I suppose I thought of that because these links, like those pills are colorful in their own way, sweet and easy to go down. But they were chosen for you as a gift from me because I appreciate you reading my entries and I hope these sites are as useful, motivating and practical for you as they have been for me.
Here goes:

Laughter - A Good Kinda Contagion

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 05:29:59 -0800

After The Shaking Stopped

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 04:12:20 -0800

I read an article last night about a drug now being tested called Cogane.
Remarkable claims are being made and the word "cure" is being more than hinted at. Here are a few links:

Drugs company cracks Parkinson's with cure

Patients hope claim of a cure is genuine
Phytopharm up on Parkinson drug trial
Phytopharm waiting for big breakthrough

New Drug May Be Parkinson's Cure

This is some hot stuff, I'd advice you add the word COGANE to your Google News Alert list so you can be kept abreast of what's going on.

I read the early stories on this last night and began to weep as I pondered the possibility... a cure? Really?

Well, I woke up this morning with the skeleton of this poem in my mind. It's structure is based on the song "After The Revolution" by David Rovics... I suppose if it were ever to be sung, the tune would be very similar.
It's silly, playful, extra-idealized and goofy... so what?
Here goes.

PD, Body Size and putting ourselves out there

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 03:17:58 -0800

I was reading on the Young Onset Parkinson's Association message board and came across this post:
Please forgive me but I am single and I have to ask this question. Did anyone else out there have the experience of thinking that someone was going to ask you for a date then you told them upfront about the PD and they took off never to be heard from again? I am large-sized but to be large-sized with PD means that no one seems to want to date you. I am getting very discouraged.

Something about it struck me and I decided i wanted to reply to it. I started writing and it just got longer and longer untill I thought it was really too long to post in a public forum. So I put it here and will link from the forum to this post in the attempt to save room on the forum. My response is below. Writing it helped me to process my thoughts. I am truly just learning too.

Self-Talk - My Own Best Coach

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 01:56:58 -0800

I find it has been useful, when I start getting deep in my doldrums, looking into that inner darkness of a thousand unknowns, to shake myself up with self-talk.
Basically it is giving myself a peptalk. I speak to myself and push myself to snap out of this funk, and go about life.
Surprisingly, it works more often than not. I use the anger and frustration I am feeling when my body parts are not cooperating and basically boot-camp myself into action.. some sort of action.. anything.
I think that hearing it from myself I can take things far easier than if there were someone over me haranguing me. Many of us grew up being haragued by others and thus have so many built in shut-down systems against that. Self-talk sort of short-circuits that by being from you.
Does it feel weird? Yeah. You think.. well, only crazy people talk to themselves, right? If you want to try this, you will have to get beyond that limiting concept.

Famous People With Parkinsons's Disease

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 02:40:27 -0800

You aren't alone.

I'm not sure how many of these are actually confirmed. I am just posting an online list. If there are more, pop me a comment and I'll add it in.

Parkinson's Disease Patients

I am thinking of perhaps researching these poets with Parkinson's and maybe doing an entry on their poetic expressions of having PD>
I think it would be most interesting.

More Keyboard Shortcuts

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 02:23:31 -0800

For times when the mouse is difficult to handle due to PD shaky-itis.

Microsoft's Guide To Windows XP Shortcuts

Good stuff here.
Useful.

Creativity

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 13:38:40 -0800

I read an article today on the stifling of creativity. I got a lot out of it and hopefully readers out there might too.
Here's a link to it.
How To Stifle Your Creativity In 10 Easy Steps

On and off for many years now I have been a poetry writer. Nothing great, it's mainly a means of self-expression and also a nice way to play a sort of word game, especially with the more strictly rhyme and meter type poems.
I did a bit of writing in this vein last week, a parody on a song from "
The Wizard Of Oz" tied in to a situation we are involved in heer in Georgia that is really too local to even bother explaining. Anyway, I noticed that being lost in creativity has a very good effect on my well-being and also my body.

Hand Me Down My Walkin' Cane

Thu, 17 May 2007 04:16:15 -0800

I had been mentioning to my wife Jan for a few days that I might benefit from the use of a walking cane. Especially when my balance is at it's worse and I am seeming to be in a constant mime performance of the "Fall Of The Leaning Tower Of Pisa".
At my worst, my balance is an issue. When I am at home, I can usually reach out and lean against a wall or piece of furniture to steady myself, but out in the garage, the yard, or anywhere else for that matter, recover from a loss of balance is often difficult.
So we decide it it might be worth our while to invest in a cane and see if it helps. I have a walking stick, like a hiking stick, which I have used when getting mail or walking the yard, but at 7 feet tall, it is a bit impractical to lug around or use anywhere but outside like that.
When Jan goes to the pharmacy next for our meds, she picks up a cane for me.
It looks like this, is sort of a bronze/copper color, and cost about $14.
My first impressions using the cane were good ones, I am consciously trying not to depend on a cane to walk, I am using it more as a steadying device as I go along. It is a reassuring thing to have along incase it is needed.
Walking cane vs Hiking stick:
-Cane is more portable and practical for use in home and out in public.
-Stick, I can already see, in the long run would keep me standing and walking more upright.
-Cane has handle and non slide foot at bottom, stick is just a stick with no safety features.
-Both allow me to have something to grip my hands on to when I am shaky, thus lessening the embarrassment in public and also making me more apt to want to get out in public.
-Cane blends in more publically. People see a cane and they understand the person might be having some form of physical problem. Walking stick is tall and bulky and might indicate anything from "I'm coming off a hike and am now at the 7-11 stocking up on cheesy poofs", " I just saw the movie 'The Ten Commandments' and it has caused religious psychosis to kick in, I am carrying a staff to be like Moses now. Let my people go!" to it perhaps being seen as a potential weapon. In a park, in the outdoors, hiking stick will do well, indoors it will seem too out of the ordinary.
-Side benefits of having a cane handy. Cleaning up around the house is made a bit easier by having cane to assist on bending and getting up and down. It's a little easier on the knees and back to have something to lean on. Cane extends reach on some things, which is always nice.

So anyway, I'm no expert, I've just been using the cane a couple of days, but I'm already finding good uses for it and that it does help me along.

So far I am also doing okay with the psychological aspects of using/needing a cane. It feels kind of like when I started balding (which was quite a rapid process in my case), I accepted it as a part of my life process and went on from there. So far so good.

Using Google.com With Parkinson's

Thu, 17 May 2007 04:05:33 -0800

I was surfing around this mornng and came upon this site:

Google Experimental

Which looks to be a place where Google introduces new features on the site. I was particularly interested in seeing that they are instituting keyboard shortcuts which minimize the need for clicking your mouse as much.

Here are the shortcuts they mention on this page, these seem the most useful to people with Parkinson's who have motor control difficulties and welcome any opportunity to avaid using the mouse and stick to the more stationary keyboard.

Thanks Google!

Key Action
J Selects the next result.
K Selects the previous result.
O Opens the selected result.
Opens the selected result.
/ Puts the cursor in the search box.
Removes the cursor from the search box.

Note - a couple of these keyboard tricks don't transfer on this page's layout due to it being in html-type language. Check out the site for fuul details.

Thank U

Sat, 12 May 2007 07:35:33 -0800

One More Job I Am Woefully Unqualified For

Fri, 11 May 2007 22:05:52 -0800

Look At The Precision This Guy Works With!

The illustration shows a sculpture of Snow White, the wicked witch and all seven dwarves... on the eye of a needle! He has to work between heartbeats to keep himself steady.
Add it to my list of "Careers I Am Probably Never Going To End Up In"

LOL

Making Peace With Mr. Parkinson

Tue, 08 May 2007 08:15:41 -0800

Here's the thing.... (he said, jumping back in as if he hadn't been gone for over a year)... the past year has been eventful, but instead of cataloguing these happenings, I'll just report on what is going on right now, perhaps referencing the past as ir relates.
I am on a few medications at present. ReQuip, Sinemet and (trying out for a month) Rasagiline. The way the pills affect me is very cyclical, I take the pills evry 5-6 hours (except for the Rasagiline, that's once daily) and I notice very definable patterns. Namely the pills don't really last 5-6 hours. When I take my meds in the morning, it takes between an hour and an hour and a half for them to kick in, starting off the day pretty miserably, feeling stiff and groggy. Then the meds kick in ( I can actually feel the muscles waking up and beginning to work, I've descibed it to someone as feeling almost as if the very temperature of your blood changes.. like a sudden flush of slightly cooler blood is entering the muscles that are tight and curled up.). So I am feeling good for perhaps an hour or two before the first twinges of The Stiffening returns. I notice my feet beginning to twist inward, if I get up to walk, my leg begins dragging again and there is general discomfort and restlessness in my limbs until pill-time again and then I wait the hour or so beyond that for it to release into my system.
Well, that's how it is with me anyway, Parkinson's affects each of us differently, so your mileage will , no doubt, vary.
With these cycles which come up 3-4 times a day, it gets easy for me to forget, in the middle of a bottom-out that it eventually gets better. I get gripe-y, sarcastic and angry (primarily at my poor pitiful self).
Things I have noticed here of late:
1) I complain about the dependence I have on medication to feel better. I wax dramatic about being an addict and being hooked on pills, needing more and more to feel good. I need to flip that thinking to where I am thankful that there are pills available that help, even if they only give limited relief. My psychological resistance and resentment toward these pills might have a negative type placebo efffect, you see? If people can think themselves into healing by believing a sugar-bullet is medication, then it stands to reason that I can talk myself out of healing benefits of medicine by harboring such negative feelings toward it.
Make sense?
2) After these 6 years with PD, I realize that in many. many ways, I still do not accept the reality of it in me. I fight it, sometimes physically wrestling with uncooperative body parts by grabbing a weak and shaking arm and holding it down till it ceases quivering. Better way: relaxation, which is the opposite of my gut reaction. I need to re-think my definition of control, it is not always physical, it may seem that it takes more time and doesn't always work, but I need to calm down, breathe, and allow the muscles to loosen on their own.
My body goes through enough without me restraining it and, in a roundabout way, punishing it for what cannot be helped.
3) Acceptance is a key. I know that. What I don't know is how to gain that acceptance in myself. Part of my blockage in that is the mixed up thinking that acceptance equals surrender and that surrender means lying down and letting PD run all over me. I have tried the surrender thing, folks, believe me, I have laid in bed for days in dark depression, shaking like a leaf, thinking the blackest thoughts possible for we humans to think about their own existence. Sooner or later, I realized that I need to get off my butt, get up, go shave and take a bath, eat something substantial and for God's sake, move. So in me the giving up thing is a thing where, been there, done that, bought the T-Shirt.
So in writing this, let me put the question out to the universe, what does true acceptance of illness like this mean and how is it acheived?
And let me add here that when I say I am putting a question "out to the universe", that you, in reading this, might just be the holder of teh answer I am looking for, so please.. any insight you might have out there.. do not hesitate to pull up a chair and let me learn from you.
I know there are folks out there who have mastered this or at least are farther along the path with it than I am. Teach me what you know, ok?
I entitled this entry as I did because I feel this is the next step for me, making peace with my illness.
I will candidly admit that I have avoided reading about PD very much. I have joined online groups but not participated. I really have not yet taken this very seriously, counting on these pill salone to pull me through. Well, medicine alone is never the answer, I know, I can just hear you out there saying that to yourself. But I think that perhaps.... maybe.. a sign of my acceptance of PD will be when I look at my small stack of PD books and say.. OK, what next.. what else acn I do for myself.
4) Another hurdle for me has been my inability to be gentle with myself. I push myself, my internal baggage telling me that because I am unable to work, I better justify my existence soem other way, I can at least keep a clean house, putter around the yard.. dammit, be busy. But the reality is that in the cycle period I wrote about earlier, my hands become almost unusable.
Think about it, if you lost your ability to use your hands, how much could you accomplish? The reality is, there is very little we do without out hands.
I will end this here, I could go on and on, but that's what they invented next days and further entried for, right?
Thanks for reading,
Lalo

Be Back Shortly

Mon, 07 May 2007 06:10:41 -0800

New entry on the horizon.
This is more a test than anything.