In response to other trichsters who have commented here

I wanted to thank everyone who has posted on my comments lately. It's so nice to open my e-mail and see that not only have people been reading, they've been commenting too. It makes me feel good! Thank you!

Someone mentioned within the comments that they too, are tired of being this way. I think that's what happened to me last year...I simply got tired of being that way! Now that I'm "that way" once again, I need to start working on changing once more. I think that I can stop pulling again once the "being tired of being this way" feeling outweighs the "I need to pull" feeling. When will that be? Soon I think. I'm very tired of being this way. Thanks to the person who left that comment. It has changed my thinking as well.

I feel pretty lucky that my pulling years were not exactly hellish. I think that they were bad, but the pulling did not dominate my life all of the time. Sure there were very embarrassing moments, but trich was not destroying my life. I feel thankful for that. I"m been lucky that my hair is naturally nice and somewhat thick, and that I have a knack for finding the right styling products and ways to cut it to make it look the best even in the worst of times. There were times when my trich should have been noticeable to anyone but it wasn't.

I think I am very tired of being this way.

Someone else asked about how the hair grows back in. I noticed that it took almost two months for the hair tor eally get started. Almost like it was testing the waters, as though it was saying: "If I take a chance and start growing...will I get yanked out?" Once the hair didn't get yanked, it grew like crazy. By December it was really nice (about 4-5 months after stopping). By April is was beautiful...that's when I started pulling again. Now my bad spots are bad and the hair wants to resist any growth. One thing I did notice during the good growing times was that my hoair was thicker and coarser than it was before I ever started pulling. Like it was coarser and fluffier in the bad spots. I've been told that if a hair is allowed to go through it's natural shedding cycle, it will begin to grow normally with it's normal, hereditary texture. I don't know if this is true or not! I've never been able to stop pulling for that long. If anyone knows if this is true, please post it in the comments!

Nothing else is really happening here. This is the time of year where I tend to get very restless. It seems as though I long to go back to the summer before I started college...and start college all over again. EVerything was so new, exciting, different, challenging. That's why I get restless now. I long for that feeling. The new start. The days here seem to blend one into the other. Each day has it's own good moments, even exciting ones, but there is nothing life-changing. I think that maybe my time for exciting, life-changing moments is over. Now it's my turn to sit back and watch Sammie go through these things....now is the time for my own life to be quiet. Maybe someday it will be different. I thought that I would enjyo sucha quiet life...but inside I'm longing for the energy and ability to do something different. I just don't know what yet.

I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Until next time.

Posted by Cody on August 15, 2005 10:42 AM