Hi again Dear Pilgrim,I woke during the middle of the night and instead of rolling over and going back to sleep I came in and checkd email and got your message. And then I did what I came i here to do which is read more of your posts to catch up. I got a few posts up from June 13 and followed the link to your website and read through it and looked at all of your albums. It really was well written and the photos of the collages really spoke volumes. I had to go back to sleep, and then when I woke and my husband and dogs are still asleep, I came to finish reading your posts. You are a brave and talented person. I'm so hoping your therapist can listen to 'everyone' and help you to integrate true and good parts of you into one healthy Pilgrim. Like in the book you were reading, the one you ordered off Amazon of a successful DID story. I read that today you felt out of place and left out and no help at group. Is this a group for support of folks with DID that your therapist recommended? Is there a moderator or leader there that could've/should've brought the chatting to a close and started the meeting and focused the group so all of you could get the support you need? If not, maybe you need another group Dear One.You are not alone anymore. You have reached out and asked for help from your therapist, a really brave thing. You have friends here, some who may share your pain and condition, and others who care about your pain. I looked at your new website support group that you and your friend made and you have friends and support there.Is your husband aware of how you feel about everything going on? Can you go to him when you feel alone? Pilgrim, where is your safe place? With your husband?I know Mae has the tent, if it's still up to feel like she has a place to go to be safe. How bout you Pilgrim? A comfy chair a blanket and put on Enya's music?? I really want you to have a safe place for Pilgrim when you feel so down. You can turn to this group and write which you have been using as a wonderful brave tool of sharing your experiences, feelings and so you are not alone. Reading your work here I came to love the way when you choose to give in to your inner children, and play and romp and color and collage. I know people who could really benefit from getting in touch with their inner child. I know, it's not the same; perhaps if I had been more in touch with my inner child I wouldn't have gotten so stressed and adrenaline rushed and pursued perfection and gotten FMS. Now I do laugh more, am more playful, was always fun, but now I'm not hung up on appearances or perfection which is only an illusion anyway.I commend you on heading back into the school year through all of this. My sister teaches 6th grade language arts, this is her 11th year. She's in a whirling dirvish herself getting organized and getting her room ready. She starts back Tues the 10th.I hope that you can breathe and pause today and appreciate yourself and pat yourself on the back for being brave enough to pursue wellness, even though it means facing terrifying memories. I hope and pray that as you continue your journey you continue to breathe and appreciate yourself for the courageous woman you are. I hope and pray your therapist makes you feel safe as you explore the past. Safe, I guess I want you to be able to breathe and feel safe and know you are on the road to healing sweet Pilgrim (& Company).Oh and I have to say that you (because the others are parts of you) are a very talented sculptor. Nothing's sculptures express the loneliness and depression and touch me. Caroline's sculpture is absolutely beautiful.What skill. Impressed here.I made a clay ashtray once, it didn't survive long. ;)You are in my thoughts and prayers especially today and this week as you face your return to school, and continue your Journey.Hugs and Blessings, Judy : )