losing time

I'm completely baffled. Monday went well. Good therapy session. My therapist and I were even talking about how I've met my goals for the summer for the most part. I felt really good about that. A little bit proud even. Then we also started talking about how every october, i tend to take big steps backwards in my recovery. i start doing more self injury and more eating disorder stuff. and i DO NOT want to do that again this year. no way. i've been trying to figure out why every october is so difficult. so i got into a conversation with my sister. which led to discussions about the past. which led to a lot of dissociating on my part. and ... DAMMIT...somehow i have really, really been losing track of time the past 2 days. My therapist called me real quick tonight. She said that she has gotten 8 (EIGHT!!) phone messages from me in 2 days. I was completely shocked. And not only that, but also that I had called and talked to the secretary, about cutting. What the HELL??? Why in the world would i do that? ______________ ack.I have really, really been losing time. I have no idea what Nobody, Mae, or the others have been doing. it scares me so much. it hits me that i have no clue whats been going on. i hate it when people tell me things that i've been doing, when i had no idea. i thanked my therapist for letting me know... that way i can do something about it, since i know now.... but geesh,i feel like such a clueless, shameful, embarassed idiot.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:


Thought I was going mad. I lose time quite frequently. At first I thought maybe alzhiemers? I have had more than a few scary incidents. For instance, driving. Head to the store and end up portland Oregon when I live in Washington. Not knowing exactly where I am when I finally realize I had driven for over an hr. Missing items such as money, ciggerettes, food and misc. items. I keep thinking I am losing it because I am definatley losing time. reciepts for gas and various purchases yet having nothing to show for these reciepts. I am flustered so if you figure out whats wrong with you LOL you can maybe give me a hollar and tell me I am not crazy after all because sometimes I feel like a real jack ___.

I know EXACTLY what you mean!

It has even happened to me at work. There was a time when I was doing some fact checking on a report. This involved looking up information from various tedious sources.

In any case, I felt an attack coming. I then had an urge to place my head on this thick book that was lying on my worktable. I did so and it must have all went blank from then on.

Next thing I knew, I was jolted into consciousness by my boss shaking me vigorously and gesticulating wildly, somewhat like a madman. I looked at the little clock on my desk and sure enough I had lost time yet again.

its been happening to me to and its scaring the absoulte shit out of me. i just zone out and wake up half an hour later with it feeling like 2 seconds has passed. what is happeneing?

not only that but im questioning my own take on reality. am i imaging half the things i do, people i see?? it hurts that i dont know whats what anymore.

help me.

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