Being proactive

In an effort to feel that I have some control over my life, I spent most of the night online looking at treatment centers and sending out queries. If I've got to go inpatient, might as well be a place that I choose, that I know about, that I have some say in, right?
Its hard finding a place that will treat trauma/dissociation AND eating disorders. I'll save you the details of my search. It looks like I've found a place near home though. I called and talked to the admissions person this morning, they're going to send me some information.
I have 6 weeks to get ready.
This is not my life.

There is a lot of yelling going on in my head... everything running the gamut from grateful to pissed off to terrified. Everything from "this is a trap" "this is abandonment" to "this is a great opportunity, lets take advantage of it." Everything from "lets hurry up and get better so we dont have to go" to "hey we're free to take a nosedive now, since we have to go inpatient anyway".

I do not know what to think or do. I have a feeling that a little of everything is going to happen in the next 6 weeks.

I dont see my therapist for another 6 days, and thats going to be really hard. Right now I dont know how I'm going to get through the next 5 minutes, let alone 6 days.

this is not my life. i want to go away. disappear.

just disappear.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:


Absolutely, I believe you should pick the place if you have to go IP. I'm so glad there's one not too far from home that does handle the trauma, ED, & DID. You should commend yourself on your successful search! Of course some insiders don't want to go, will make a fuss, and in the long-run this may be whats best.

Hugs and Blessings, Love, Judy

Remember me? We use to e-mail each other. I was in the hospital and it was okay. At first it was really hard and the hardest part was walking in the front door. The first week was awful. After a while I began to enjoy the people and the programs. Then there came a time to move on and I moved out. Soon you will be telling the world how it went.

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