Pretend life

I'm back after being gone for a few days. I feel like no one noticed. All that was in my e-mail inbox was junkmail when I got back home. I'm feeling very dispensible right now. No one notices if I'm gone.

For a few days we've been able to have a little pretend, escaped life. It was nice. Got away. The kids got to have a lot of time out having adventures. We got WAY away... did things that I've wanted to do for a long time. . I got a little bit of sleep. I was too busy having adventures so I was able to drown out Nobody's voice. Instead I listened to the kids, who were busy having fun, with the only except of the 5 year old who would occassionally remind me of how much she misses our therapist and I'd remind her that we're going back to see her on Thursday. Thursday is far away when you're 5.

Tonight I'm home and the pressure is on again. What a surprise, my life was still here waiting for me when I got back.
Things are back to normal.
In every way.
EVERY way.


In the morning I go see my psychiatrist, heart doctor, and therapist. My psychiatrist doesn't "get it", so I've never tried to explain the different people inside to her, she probaby just thinks I'm a smart aleck airhead who can't remember anything. My heart doctor, hopefully that will be ok. My heart is feeling fine these days. Years of eating disorders is working on being repaired after I nearly killed myself.
Tomorrow we also go see my therapist. The 5 year old is very anxious to go, so is Nobody, so am I. I dont know how that's going to end up. Maybe something will work out where we all get a chance to talk. I hope so. We all need to.

Last year on this date, Nobody tried to kill herself; I stopped her. It caused a huge ruckus with my therapist and husband for about a day, then they seemed to forget all about it. So given Nobody's mood lately, i guess she'd better go in and talk to our T.

It was so nice to get away for a little while.
There were moments when I even felt free.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:


i'm glad you had a little bit of a break and were able to enjoy a few things while you were away. i understand the feeling of thinking no one noticed. last week was my birthday. some friends, or at least i thought they were friends, didn't even notice. makes me feel so not important to anyone.

Hi Sweet Gal :)
I didn't email you, but I did check for any new posts here and at AMJ each day. I did miss you.
I'm glad you got away, didn't realize how far you were going...aka leaving your pc behind. I've found it feels like the weight of the world is off my shoulders an I feel free when I am on vacation... I don't have to deal with 'life as I know it here'.

I hope your doc appts go well and I hope NB and you get to see S (& that Mae gets a few minutes)

It saddened me to read of the anniversary of NB's suicide attempt. Then again, hey you made it through the year!

Hugs and Blessings, Love, Judy

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