Unsure, uneasy, a lot crazy

it was so hard to leave work today knowing that I wont be there tomorrow. i cried after i walked out the door... i wanted so much to be able to talk to someone, to tell them where I'm going to be while I'm gone (no one knows I'm going into trauma/DID treatment-- such a stigma). i cried so hard on the way home. my heart aches so much.

then i saw my therapist. the hour went by way too fast. i was shaking so hard and feeling like i was going to throw up because i'm so nervous about going to the hospital tomorrow morning. everything seemed like it was down a long tunnel. all i wanted her to do was wrap her arms around me but i was too afraid to ask her to do that, even though she probably would have if i'd asked.

so i dissociated. my "not me, not me" trick. :(

The 5 year old talked and cried to her for a while, I'm not sure what about. But I imagine it was about hospital stuff.

So many others wanted to talk to her too.. and didnt get the chance. My head is a cacaphony of noises and shouts and whispers and groans and cries tonight.

God I am so scared.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:


You are so brave and I am so proud of you!!!!! I know you are scared and unsure, but it will be alright. You are going to be with others and this will put an end to the isolation. It will be a freeing experience.

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