What am I DOING?

I can hardly believe I'm actually doing this... going into a hospital. I can't believe it. I have fought this for so long.

I wonder what its going to be like. I wonder if I will be ok. I am so afraid. But I want to have hope. I'm so nervous. My stomach is always full of butterflies.

Tomorrow I go see my therapist one more time... then off to treatment not much long after.

I am so incredibly afraid and I think I'm going to feel very alone even though I know I have a lot of online friends supporting me.

I wish I could fold my therapist, Judy, my sister, and my dog all up in my pocket and take them all with me.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:


My sweet Pilgrim,

I understand you've fought this for a long time...and I understand that YOU made this choice for yourself, nobody else did, You Did, You took control of your own life. Again, you should be proud of yourself for taking control and choosing to acknowledge your 'burdens' and face them.
I am so proud of you!

I love that you want to have hope. What a big step that is for you. Of course you have butterflies about what it will really be like to be IP. As my mom says, It's ok to have butterflies, just try to get them to fly in formation! You will be okay, this place and the docs there are experienced in DID and ED and they are there to help you. This is not a hospital stay where they'll bother you every half hour to check your blood pressure. This is not a hospital that is going to berate you for your ED. This is a place that understands the challenges you face and they are prepared to help you, if you let them. Deciding to let them is a brave choice!

I hope your session with S goes well and our little one is again comforted. If you have butterflies, of course then she is scared...but this place is safe and the people there will be safe. I hope too that S gives you the support you need to go, and to help you be strong even with your butterflies.

I understand you are afraid. And you will certainly miss your life as usual. You will be with people who also have DID, people who just like you are scared. Can you believe it, others with DID right there in person.

I want you to consider this to be a retreat of sorts, and the therapists & docs to be counselors. I'm sure you'll have a schedule of sorts and individual and group therapies, probably. You'll also have time to reflect, journal, & take care of you!

I wish I could be there with you too. Consider me to be right there in your pocket, right there encouraging you and keeping you from being too lonely.(Though I think you'll be kept busy enough not to be too lonely) I'm honored to be among those in the pocket. Do you think the DID docs will freak if you talk to your pocket???? ;)

It will be ok, you have made a sound decision, and a healthy choice for your life....
I'll be with you in spirit!
You never have to walk alone.

God Bless You Sweet Pilgrim,
Hugs and Love, Judy

Post a comment

Remember Me?


Pilgrim's Journey
is part of the
Health Diaries network. Health Diaries publishes blogs, articles, and news on health and fitness topics.


free get well cards
Tell someone you're thinking of them with one of our free get well cards. We also have sympathy cards and blank cards if you want to send thanks or just a hello.

Contact Pilgrim:
everyoneinside @ yahoo.com
(remove the spaces).
All content published on HealthDiaries.com is provided for informational and educational purposes only. HealthDiaries.com does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. The site and its services are not a substitute for professional medical advice and treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor before making any changes to your diet, health routine or treatment.

Copyright © 2004-2007 HealthDiaries.com and the author. All rights reserved.