Internal Landscapes

I said that I would write about Internal Landscapes the next time I wrote, so that's what I'm going to talk about today.
First can I say "I AM EXHAUSTED"!! I am so stressed out, my husband is stressed out. My session yesterday was so hard, didn't go very well, and last night I woke up screaming. I dont know who was screaming but I just remember my husband saying "STOP that!" (yah, real helpful) :(
I need to disappear. I hate myself.

Ok... internal landscapes. A lot of people with DID, but NOT ALL, have them. Its like this... imaginary land inside. Like using your imagination, but more real than that. Well, I guess I better just speak from my point of view only.

Inside of my head, we have this whole world going on. I wish I could draw a picture and show everyone. Maybe we can create something on Paint Shop Pro and post it.
If I look from my point of view, I'm by a pathway. There's a lot of grass, some trees. There is a forrest ahead of me off to the right. The forrest is where we can go hide if we need to, but there are parts of it that are safe places to go hide to calm down. Its a little bit down a hill.
Off to my left, there is a bridge that crosses over a nice little creek. The creek is really sparkley, makes a nice sound. The bridge is about 5 or 6 feet long going across. There is a telescope on one side that Mae and Tuck decorated so they can look into the past or look in on mom and dad when they need to (its something we worked on in therapy one day.) On the path is where we can usually meet up with each other to talk. Usually if I'm going to be able to meet with anyone inside, its here on the path, outside, in the sun. We will usually sit together on the path. Mae held hands with me once there. Missy and I usually just go face to face with our hands on our hips. Carolineine and I just stand together side by side.
There is also, a little bit farther away, a castle. Its a huge place. There are rooms for everyone, places to play, places to meet. There is a moat and a big door to keep the bad people out. The windows are way up high so that no one can get into them during the night.
Behind the castle, down a hill, is a swingset and play yard.
There's a barn with horses, and a giant field of flowers and wheat where Claire always is, holding and playing with her animals, and she never comes in contact with people. The sun is always shining over her.
There is also a school, where we have classrooms, and a staff meeting room for staff meetings to discuss problems and issues. Its hard to meet there. Everyone has problems meeting still and getting along. But a school is a place we can all relate to and have positive connotations about. We used to try to think of ourselves as a "family", but the family idea was just too negative. But school has mostly happy memories associated with it.
I'm so tired and my brain is overloaded... think I'll tell more another day. I feel so spacey.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:


As I was reading I was thinking it must be nice to have a place that feels safe for everyone. I was also thinking that the others inside are like guardian angels.At some point they came to help and protect you and even missy with her anger at some point helped you get through safe. I kind of see them as guardian angels and I hope I have not offended you I'm just not sure what topics are o.k to talk about.I don't want to trigger anyone or make things worse.I can see you running it all like a school. You must have meetings with everyone and findout what their needs are for the week and then work out a schedule of activities for each one that has a need.Then maybe everyone will feel they are not being neglected.Also letting everyone write who wants to and making rules of no ripping up writings of others and let the ones who like to eat do the eating and the others will not purge what they don't eat.Setting up boundaries where each person gets as much as possible to make them happy but for them all to remember you are the principle and they need to respect you and your decisions...just my thoughts again. As you can see I do like to talk and I hope that is o.k donna p.s if its too much advice tell me and I will only give advice when you ask for it. I hope I have'nt said too much.

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