Starting things I can't finish

i keep starting things i can't make myself finish.
i try to write e mails to people i used to talk to. people that are Carolineine's or pilgrim's friends. then i realize, why would they want to hear from me? what have i got worth saying? and i erase the e mail. what's the point in reaching out? this is just me jo. i'm alone. this is just how things ARE.
tonight i tried to make myself eat some dinner. macaroni and cheese, which the others love. i could barely stand tasted so gross, I dont know how they can eat it. i took 2 bites and put it back in the fridge. i'm already so fat.
i tried to go to the grocery store tonight. was in one of the self-service lanes with about 4 items. the lady in front of me had a cartful, which i didn't realize. all the other lanes were full too. she took forever. then scanned things wrong. then the machine messed up. i was so overwhelmed by all the noises and all the people and lights... i couldnt take it anymore and i put my food aside and left. who needs food... not me. i should have never tried to go out.

i want to be invisible.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:


hey its ok. i always feel alone. others try to help but they just dont get it. but dont think u have nothing to say, what u have to say may very well change someones life or keep someone from killing themselves so never shut that part of you off. if i would have my sister would be dead. and i would die without her. keep tryin ~little_one

Hi JO, I have lived with what I was told was Attention Deficit Disorder all my life but in the past year I have come to the conclusion that I may have been living a life with multiple personalities. None of my other personalities have names but they come and go based on my attitude at the time. I have my aggresive, my passive, my humorous, and my depressive. Things get so bad for me that many times I have thought of suicide but I would like to think that there is a purpose for me in the world but right now I don't know what that purpose is. Maybe we can help each other along the way. Take care.

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