How to treat someone with multiple personalities

Someone posted a comment today about how to approach someone they think is a multiple and how they can make it safe for their friend to talk to them. So I'm going to post some ideas and suggestions that some friends and us have come up with. These are some ideas we've come up with. Some are just plain silly--- we HAVE to have a sense of humor!- but most are serious. These ideas are all by people who have multiple personalities:

When you meet a multiple Do ask them how they are on touch. and offer them a safe hug even if it is only on a mental non physical level.
DO ask dont just go rushing in with a hug... coz some dont like that
Do Accept that you may ahve to adapt to whole entire different way of thinking.
Do accept this will take time.
Do accept you may have to confront a huge shift in your perception of the world certainly of the person who has told you
Do stick by the person.
Do take care of YOURSELF.

Don't ask, "well who am i talking to NOW?"
its just an embarassing question, like whoever you are talking to right now just isn't good enough. and like they cant tell you apart. learn who each person is. its just nice when you get to know everyone.
Don't ask "How are you doing/feeling today?"
THAT question has complicated answers." Well, Nobody is suicidal, Mae is crying, Carolineine is really excited about going back to school. Missy is having a hissy fit because i wont give her my credit card to go shopping, Tuck is upset because he can't have a pet anaconda in the bedroom, so and so is having flashbacks of rape. So... how are YOU?" A better question might be, "What's new? "How's the weather?" :-P
For doctors and therapists and psyches: DONT think that just because you have a degree, that you know more than I do. I know what goes on in my mind. I know my body. I know how things work inside. I know ME. More than you will ever, ever know. I am the expert on ME (Pilgrim)

Don't forget that everybody matters- there is nobody inside who isn't there for a reason.....if you're my therapist, remember to ask about the system, not just the host (hate that term 'host'....sounds like the whole thing is a party).
Don't make a big deal out of the kids. Don't ask to play with them. Don't ask them to talk unless you're the t, and there's a reason to. Don't talk down to them, but remember that they are stuck in time.

If you need to discuss something serious with us, it's better to write it in an email to give us time to process things. If you ask us in person, "what would you like to do for your birthday?", for instance, ask by saying, "Can you take a few days and get back to me about what you'd like to do for your birthday?"... because then we have time to process among ourselves what we could compromise on doing.
This especially applies if you need to discuss something really serious; like if you need to talk to us about something we've said...or you're upset with us... write it in an email so that we have time to process. Because if you ask us in person or on the phone, we can't respond because so much is going on in our heads all at the same time and we won't be able to give you an answer. Or else we might give you one that wouldn't be the consensus. Or someone might come out reacting instead of responding.Things need time to filter down through all the layers so that we are able to respond in a productive way.

Do not equate "mental illness" with mental retardation

when you meet a multiple dont expect them to be over the top different from you an me. (oh yeah umm I am ) exactly. I dont look any different... On the regular occasions when I'm not off my head. When I#ve managed to dress as an independent person not as several members of a collective. We look pretty *set*.

When I finally screw up the courage to tell you that I am a multiple, don't look at me and say, "You can't be because I don't see it." The fact that you haven't seen me switch is because everyone inside is doing their job. You don't see our entire life and everything that is done to make sure we work as "one"...that is done as a team. We are not, nor have we ever been, Sybil...that is a tv movie based on one person's experience, not our experience.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:


Thank you for sharing this information. I am just beginning to learn about DID/MPD and I appreciate what you have honestly shared.

thankyou that was brilliant. you are an inspiration

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