Things to do in the middle of the night when you're not tired...

1. Refresh the message boards I post on every 10 seconds, to see if anyone has posted anything new & exciting, or at least dramatic that I could read and reply to (they haven't-- its the middle of the night-- everyone is in bed.)
2. Do a random search on Livejournal and see what comes up (odd how many freakish journals there are out there... not to say that THIS journal isn't freakish....but gosh... a LJ about EYELINER? really? that's necessary in life?)
3.listen to my dog have dreams about running around chasing bunnies, because he huffs a lot and gets himself out of breath
4. search desperately for someone, somewhere to talk to
5. consider writing my therapist yet another e-mail... because I need to talk to someone so much... but decide not to. I'm lonely and having a lot of mixed emotions about something--- so what else is new? What else is there to be said?
6. Look up hotline numbers for Jo to call next time she is suicidal.
7. Consider calling the local Women's Center hotline number... but then don't... because needing someone to talk to doesn't qualify as a "sexual abuse or rape" related incident that I need to talk about.... just lonely. Why isn't there a self-injury hotline? Why isn't there a "you're so lonely you could die if you don't have someone to talk to right now" hotline?
8. take online quizzes. Really. I am bored.
9. Refresh those message boards again. Maybe someone replied to one of my posts.... Nope.
10. Look up my house on Google Earth.
11. Watch Seinfeld...oops, I just realized we are watching Discovery Health channel. Should have known. Thats what channel the kids always put on. They like to watch operations and babies getting born.
12. Stare at my Inbox and wait for e-mails to come in... the mail I get is usually just advertisements from stores. But that COUNTS as mail, right? SOMEONE IS THINKING OF ME!

Repeat steps 1-12 until sleeping pills finally kick in.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:


You're so brave. Thank you so much for keeping this blog. I found it by looking up info on Wikipedia on Disassociative Identity Disorder and there was a link to your site. I'm currently involved with a woman who's gone through an incredible amount of trauma throughout her life and a lot of things she repressed in childhood are starting to come back to her. I'm extremely worried about her. I'm sorry you're so lonely. You have no idea how many people you're helping by keeping this blog. Thank you so much.

Oh Pilgrim I wish you'd posted this on the board, I would have seen it a lot sooner. I can relate SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much to I cant even explain it...I just do those EXACT same things...refreshing e-mail and the board over and over and over again, sitting there waiting for someone to come online or post or e-mail me something, even spam, as you said at least its mail...and reading ljs and other websites, and taking those quizzes...i do those things so much when i'm lonely and its night and no one is online and everyone here is asleep...heheh and even listening to my dog dream too...and i think about writing e-mails or posting more rambles on the board (dont know if its okay to have the initials here so im just calling it the board for now), but decide, as you said, its nothing new, just more of the same, feel stupid and decide not to...the "lonely hotline" is SUCH a good idea, i've thought that so many times, actually thought about starting an online board just for that purpose...i wish there was a hotline like that...where you could just call when you feel like that and not have to feel like you're bothering someone, writing more rambles for other people to read, annoying people with your problems...just someone to talk to and be honest with, talking to random kids from school and stuff online about stupid things almost makes it worse for me at least...but yeah...i definately definately definately know what you mean...sorry this is kind of incoherent...just really can relate...

big safe hugs, i hope tonight is going better for you


i can realte to sum esp the sleeping pills hahah sumtimes lol u kno wts fun ... if its raining u go dancing in the rain


looks like your not still up at 2 am Refreshing your boards =(

Actually I AM still up at 2 a.m. quite often, its just that I have better things to do these days like doing art and reading books.

fine congratulations on better things such as art to do

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