So much for a happy welcome back. ALL MY FAULT.

My therapist came back today from vacation and I was really hoping it would be a good session. The past few days Mae and the kids were so excited and I prayed that today would go by fast so we could get there. And I was even praying that I would be brave enough to talk about the things I really needed to. There are a couple things that happened last week that I REALLY needed to talk about. But did I? Naturally, no.
I got in the office, and I was uncomfortable. It felt like I hadn't been there in a long time. Only a week and a half, but to me its a long time, because time goes by so slowly. I didn't feel safe. I was so happy to see my therapist. But for some reason, she didn't LOOK right. I don't even know why or how to explain it. Her smile or something... supercilious, maybe. I could have taken the opportunity to talk about what I needed to-- a terrible nightmare I had the other night, But I was SOOOO afraid right then. I knew that it would open up a whole can of worms, and I just didn't feel SAFE. I didn't know if she was safe again or not. She's been gone on vacation. Maybe she's changed. Maybe she's different. Maybe she's decided that she hates me. I dont know. So then...She gave me a lecture about eating disorder stuff and cutting, and I shut down. I started to see through a long tunnel, and couldn't get myself out of it.
She kept on asking me questions. I felt about an inch tall and all this yelling was going on in my head, Missy especially. Finally I couldn't take the yelling anymore, flopped over on the couch, and disappeared.
Someone else came out and finished the session.
Yep, way to go, freaking idiot that I am.
Now Mae is upset, the kids are upset, Missy is pissed, Jo is more depressed, because they all didn't get to talk and say what they needed to, and its ALL MY FAULT.
I'm such a stupid person. I want to beat my head against a wall right now.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:


Is this forum for many people with DID, or one person posting? I am very close to a person with DID, and I can fully understand the feelings and complications of the condition.
We can exchange ideas maybe?

Our forum has about 200 members. You are welcome to come visit it and become a member, even if you do not have DID, since you are close to someone with it. You're welcome to come check us out!

you are not alone! My wife went through this every time a therapist went on vacation or there was an extended amount of time between appointments. for more info, help, articles etc please visit

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