Loving your Inner Child.... well, its a start!

It used to be that I couldn't STAND any of the others who share my body with me. ESPECIALLY Mae, the 5 year old. She was just my "inner child" out of control, I thought. I used to just wish all the time that she would JUST GO AWAY. When I 1st started hearing Mae's voice in my head, I was still in college. My sister had just gone off to college also, and so I was extra lonely. There was a lot going on at home that was troubling me. So the last thing I needed was one more problem. I began to hear in my head this child crying. A sob. And then sometimes crying, "mommy?" It drove me crazy. Then she started appearing more often OUTSIDE. Tearing things up, crying all night, taking over. And there I was still years away from finding a therapist.
Years later of course, here she is as a 5 year old and able to talk more, and thankfully because I have a wonderful therapist with endless patience (almost), Mae is a little happier, uses her words to talk about whats going on. She's become much more pleasant to be around. At least I tolerate her now. She still bugs me a lot. Of course, she says that I bug her an awful lot too.

Right now I am actually feeling empathy for her. I guess that is a step towards love.
Last night she was so lonely. She often is. A lot of the time I don't know what's going on when Mae is around. Still not much co-consciousness with her. But we're getting better about that.
Last night she needed her mom so bad. That is all she wants is a mom who will take care of her. She gets tired of having to take care of herself all the time. Which is what I did when I was little too. Last night Mae was at the front. When she got in bed, she pretended that our T came in and tucked her in and gave her a kiss goodnight. She started asking God why she couldn't have been born in our T's family instead of the one she was born in. But then she thought that might be complaining and she isn't supposed to complain. Or ask why about anything. So she ended up just laying there crying.
I was too far removed from everything to be able to just take over and help her stop. I think that she fell asleep crying. Sometimes I do just wonder why.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:


I really know what you are saying, my wife was not caring for her littles, it came bit by bit. I have always felt close to them which I think threw her off, how could i like or even care for a little girl in an adults body who acted like a little girl? Is he crazier than me? No, just more accepting than she was, me looking in from the outside could handle it better than she could looking from where she was. It will get better, once they all know they can count on each other it gets better.

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