I can't believe I did that.

It was just like a year or 2 ago that everyone started calling me jo. they wanted me to just choose a name. because i just called myself nobody. T didnt want everyone just calling me nobody, and she didn't like calling me that. so i told her how they could call me jo. its one of the shortest names i could think of. its also short for jodi, which i secretly called myself back when we lived with our family a long time ago and i worked in this drugstore. I remember how I'd walk around the drugstore with a packet of Skittles in my pocket (we had to wear these ugly blue uniform coat things), and every time someone would call me by Pilgrim's name, I would chant to myself, "But my name is Jodi. My name is Jodi."

well there is this other name. i picked it out when i was 14. which is really when i started being around. i picked it out because our best friend had this big sister who was really cool and pretty, and was on the volleyball team, and she had this really pretty, beautiful, thin, fun and sweet best friend. And so many people liked her best friend. and so i wanted to have her best friend's name. it was always what i really wanted to be named.

For a few weeks I was really, really wanting to tell our therapist what it was. But I just didn't know how.

Well I did it. I got up the courage the other day.
I was starting to cry because i also told her the reason why i picked that name. I wanted to cut so bad. I was just so nervous and embarassed.
She didn't make fun of me.
She talked about how when she was my age, she wanted a different name too, and she told me what it was, and why. She talked about how she knows how hard it is to be an adolescent and how I need compassion and to not be made fun of.
you know what i did? it was almost the end of the session. i asked her if she would come sit next to me and give me a hug. And she DID. she wrapped her arms around me and held me until it was time to go.

gosh i wish every time of therapy went that well. i still can't believe i did that.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:


i wanted to be "samantha". that was the name of the mom on bewitched (a tv show) and even though she had this idealic life she also had these cool things happening to her. that's who i wanted to be.

instead i'm still jackie.

How cool is that? You were brave and got a good response. Good for you, Jo!

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