i dont have the words

words-- they're too hard to find.
need to run
need to cut
have to run away
I feel like a caged animal.

I've been home sick all week. Its the flu or something. But I know its more than that. I am unbelievably worried about someone. I worry so much that it makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like I need to go rescue someone. I need to go shake them by the shoulders and wake them up and scream in their face but they're in a daze and won't hear it. And it makes me worry constantly right now. Because I have been there. In almost the same situation and I know the thoughts and feelings they are having and I KNOW what it does to you. But I can't make decisions for them and I wish they could. And I am so scared for them. And I am getting stomachache after stomachache. I haven't been able to eat for days. Drinking 1 or 2 stupid Boost drinks a day instead... my nutritionist is going to have a fit. But I can't stop worrying. I have nightmares. I KNOW what can happen to this person and I need to save them and I cant.

I need to get away. Just get away. Carolineine handles everything better anyway.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:


Caring for someone is hard, sometimes, isn't it? You want to fix everything and you can't. You know worrying won't change the situation, but you can't stop worrying. And that just makes you feel worse. I hope the situation improves and I hope you can eat with impunity soon. I care about YOU.

I've been feeling a little better. Able to eat once or twice a day now at least although its rather difficult.
Thank you.

Don't let him do this to you too.

Nothing will happen, I PROMISE.

You can not promise ANYTHING with a guy like him. I KNOW this to be a fact.

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