Handling alters who dont get along

Its such a fight every week. We are always fighting over who gets to do what and when. Everyone has their own things they like to do. Like Carolineine likes to read books about children all the time or look at websites for teachers, or work on her teacher website she has. Missy likes to read books on other subjects like cutting and eating disorders. Pilgrim likes to spend time watching movies or reading other books. Mae likes to write stories and color, like most of the kids do, or they love to watch Nickoleon, play outside, or play computer games. Everyone likes to do their own things.
We used to really, really resent each other-- hated having others who were always hanging around. Some of us still do. Not as much as we used to though-- not nearly as much. We used to fight almost all the time. Now its just some of the time. We mostly resent each other when it comes to having time to talk to our therapist. Its a precious 2 hours a week, and its so hard to share it; we all have so much to say, and we all "REALLY NEED" to talk to her. Its really hard to organize ourselves and work things out. Also in everyday life we just all have so much we want to do, and there is just never enough time for it all. We tend to get resentful of having so many others around then because we all want our own time to do our own thing as much as we want. There isn't enough time with our therapist, there isn't enough time in the day. One week to the next week goes by so slowly that it seems like it takes forever for 1 of us to get a turn to talk in therapy.
Mae had a really hard time last night. Wehad talked to our T about our trip home. Mae was upset also about how her mom doesnt want her anymore, how our sister wants HER little girl, but nobody ever wanted Mae. Then Mae dropped a bomb on us right at the very last minute about something that happened when she was really little. She knew it was time to go but she apparently wanted to say something before she lost her nerve. Well then we had to drive home. With an atomic bomb dropped on us. It felt like we couldn't breathe, like we were suffocating and going to do and we couldn't escape the office fast enough. Mae cried herself to sleep, and everyone else feels hopeless. Right now some inside resent Mae for even talking at all, but Mae resents everyone else just because she wants to be by herself and be left alone. She doesn't want us. She wants either her mom or our therapist and thats all. She doesn't want any "inside people." She wants all of us to go away. She's 5 and upset... its hard to make her understand. She still thinks that she is 5 and that her mommy is 25 years old and that she lives in the same house we did 30 years ago. She doesn't understand that she is permanently connected to the rest of us.
Right now we're not sure what to do. We're not all getting along very well this week.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:


we understand how you feel, it is just the last several years we have begun to pull together and get along and i know our body is older than yours. it took a lot of time and realization to get there.

be nice to yourselves


I do feel so bad for Mae, especially now that Sammie is almost the same age and I can truly understand what Mae could have been and what she missed out on. It's just sad for me, as a mom, to see her alone and so sad. I just hope that someday Mae will find what she needs. Maybe she'll find it within herself.

Your Sis

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