There is so much I need to learn

Hey all its Carolineine.
Well things are as always quite busy which you know is how I like it and how I keep things. I realize that's pretty much my fault that I'm swamped with work all the time. I keep myself busy, of course. Running around like a nut at work all day and then trying to keep the inside kids busy all evening.
I'm frustrated. Tonight I went to therapy-- I really, really have needed to talk to our therapist for a few weeks now. I just wanted to talk out loud about everything going on, get some feedback, and just in general TALK out loud about things that are going on. That's about it.
Well I'm not sure what the deal was today but Mae tried talking to her and our therapist wasn't in the mood today to deal with Mae-- fair enough. Mae was really upset but didn't let it show on the outside and disappeared inside so I went to talk to T-- to see if I could save this therapy session somewhat.
So I get there to talk-- and the whole thing was about how to help the kids, what to do to work together inside, what we can do to help everyone work together. My therapist seemed very frustrated today (understandably so-- there is a lot going on with everyone not working together, information our therapist is not getting, a lot of loose ends). I just listened and listened. She talked a lot. This is what I do at work, online, with friends, with colleagues. I listen. I nod. I try to come up with solutions for people. So that is what I did today. My therapist presented her frustrations with Mae, Jo, Pilgrim, everyone inside. I tried to come up with solutions and suggestions. Together we came up with a plan of action for the next few months of therapy which whill hopefully help them move along a little better.
Maybe next week I will get to talk. I just feel so selfish. I talked for a couple minutes, here and there, about myself-- I mentioned how its difficult that I can't get away from the kids, how its different from being a regular parent because I can't just hire a babysitter to get away from them, I can't get a break from Mae and Tuck and Jadie and the twins and Jo and all of them; they are just always there-- in my head--talking. Middle of the night, in the shower, when I have a headache-- they are always there, needing and wanting things and asking questions. It gets frustrating and tiring.
But what do I do, right? It is what it is-- and that can't be changed.
So I'm supposed to be this fantastic teacher at school, a wonderful perfect internal parent for the inside kids, a loyal and wonderful friend, and a good therapist to everyone who needs me. The only thing is, I never had anyone show me or teach me how to do any of those things. I taught myself. I haven't had a model for any of those. Can't say that I've had any good friends as a role model, my parents own skills were lacking, I'm the only one at my school who teaches my subject and I'm supposedly "the best" in the district, and while my own therapist is TERRIFIC, I have never been to graduate school myself so I am not a trained therapist.
I feel so lacking. I feel so inadequate. I feel like there is so much I need to learn, and I don't know where to go learn it.
And I just need to talk. I need to learn so much more, and I feel like I don't know anything. I need to learn how to relax, how to deal with things, how to take care of everyone better, how to do....EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING BETTER.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:


I don't know if this will help, we kind of split up the responsibilities inside, by what process I do not know, but there are keepers who take care of certain keepers, and others for others, and so on. Maybe there are others inside you can delegate certain responsibilities to? just a thougt. Good luck and we admire your perseverance


these frustrations are a normal aspect of therapy and all involved in life within did . voiceing here we others hear and feel empathy with you hugs dewin the do

Post a comment

Remember Me?


Pilgrim's Journey
is part of the
Health Diaries network. Health Diaries publishes blogs, articles, and news on health and fitness topics.


free get well cards
Tell someone you're thinking of them with one of our free get well cards. We also have sympathy cards and blank cards if you want to send thanks or just a hello.

Contact Pilgrim:
everyoneinside @
(remove the spaces).
All content published on is provided for informational and educational purposes only. does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. The site and its services are not a substitute for professional medical advice and treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor before making any changes to your diet, health routine or treatment.

Copyright © 2004-2007 and the author. All rights reserved.