Waiting anxiously. I just want it to be Tuesday afternoon!

Time is going by so slowly... it always does, but lately even more so... and I am waiting anxiously to get to my next therapy appointment on Tuesday.

Last week was when my therapist asked to talk to ME, and I admitted how old I really am/feel (a LOT younger than she thought-- not the adult she thought I was.) She has been hoping to get everyone working together and have me be in charge, as the adult of the group, for me to run things, to make the decisions, to decide who comes and goes. Well I finally told her myself that I'm much younger than I'm supposed to be--- I thought that she knew. Which she did, but she didn't REALLY realize it was true I guess. This throws things off a lot now.
She said she "needs to think."
That's always bad news. I hate it when people say they have to THINK.
My therapist tried to tell me when I got panicky that I just "gave her a piece of information"-- that was all. But I keep thinking how I'm so stupid and how I've ruined everything now. What if she decides to kick me out, that she can't deal with me now. Her plan is wrecked, what is she going to do?
She asked me, who has the most information inside? That would be Carolineine. Its ALWAYS been Carolineine.
She wants to think. Thinking can't be good news.
So I have to wait til this Tuesday to find out WHAT she may have come up with and I'm driving myself crazy with this anxiety, I'm so scared what we will talk about on Tuesday. I want so much to call her but I'm not allowed, I'm too ashamed to e-mail her at all so I won't this week, and I'm so afraid that if any of us e mail her this week anyway she might get angry or annoyed or something.
I've been so anxious this week that I shake a lot. I want to cut so badly, but I haven't-- I want to at least have ONE thing of good news to tell her on Tuesday.
I just want to know what's going to happen on Tuesday. TIme is going by so slowly. I just want it to be Tuesday afternoon. And what if she cancels or something? I'm so nervous.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:


what if your T decides that instead of you being the one that keeps the schedules and decides who's coming and going, she places that responsibility with Caroline, the adult of the group? your T was trying to get you to take responsibility because she THOUGHT that you were old enough to handle it. but now that she knows your real age is much younger, with that peice of information she can make a better decision that will work for everyone inside.

please try not to worry about things. your T is on your side. her job is to help you, not to hurt you. and although sometimes things she says or do may hurt, she doesn't do it intentionally. she is also learning about you every time you are together with her .. and when she has therapy appointments with so many people at one time things are likely much more difficult to keep organized and make good decisions the first time.

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