Big disappointment...again

Well, the 7th time was definitely NOT the charm. It was another disaster. I feel so stupid and vulnerable and I feel like such a FOOL.

Tried therapy again last night.

The guy was older guy, like a grampa...which was good because I wasn't comparing him to Sharon...he was actually KNOWLEDGEABLE about DID and eating disorders. Knew what questions to ask. He wasn't condescending, didn't treat me like I was an idiot. I started opening up to him. The stuff that I've buried for over a year that gives me such big stomach aches. Even mentioned a few things about Mae. He was easy to talk to. I felt comfortable talking to him.
I was getting excited, thinking, WOW, God's finally answering my prayers-- I'm going to finally have a good therapist to replace Sharon, cool!!

Then about 45 minutes into it, he started talking about who he was going to REFER ME OUT TO. A different therapist. I was like, "WHAT!?"
As it turns out, this was only a CONSULTATION. Which I was not told.
He said, "You weren't under the impression I was going to be your therapist were you?"
UH.... YES!
Turns out, he doesn't DO that. He only consults and refers out.
I was so shocked and felt so vulnerable and STUPID that I started to cry. Shit.
I told him I better leave, and I left.
Then I had a breakdown in the parking lot.

i'm not doing this anymore. i'm just not.
If Sharon would have just kept me, I wouldn't be going through all this mess time and time again.
If I wouldn't have screwed up so bad by WHATEVER it was I did that was so bad, Sharon would have kept me on as a client. I'm so sorry for whatever I did wrong.... I wish I could tell Sharon. I wish I could tell her how much I've hard I'm trying. I wish she would take me back. My heart hurts so bad. I miss her so much. All that stuff from therapy that we were working on, all those plates we had spinning in the air-- SHE just got to dump me and forget about it all, but all that stuff just got left raw and open for me. I just feel so sick inside.
I just want to give up. I hate all this.

Posted by pilgrim | Filed under:


I just got dumped by my therapist, so I can relate to all of those trust issues.

And I can also relate to the consultation thing. How can they not tell you this up front? Why do they put you through that?

I don't know if I can trust therapists anymore either. They just have their own agendas. I wonder if they see us as people or just case studies?

Anyway, I'm sorry for your situation. But know that you're not the only one experiencing this.


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