October 7, 2005

On Effexor and Withdrawl

Ok-- maybe I'm stupid, but I decided for some unknown reason that I could 'play God' and take myself off Effexor XR without Dr. Keller's approval. Without health insurance at the moment, I refuse to pay $179 a month for the prescription. No matter what anyone says, I can NOT justify that. Pete says I'm worth it. Judy says the same. But that alone is not enough reason for me. I appreciate the thought though.

So, I took my last dose on Tuesday evening, trying to stretch out the time between Monday and Tuesday's dose as long as possible. I finally gave in about 7 p.m. on Wednesday. My sister just happened to have called on Tuesday to tell me that Gwen-- a woman from our running group was telling her about her her experience with Effexor. Apparently her doctor said that if she's ever without the meds and can't get a refill for a few days (like a holiday weekend or something), to take benedryl with ibuprofin and it will kill the withrawl effects of antidepressants. I'd never heard of that, but who am I to question it. Gwen swears by it.

So, Wednesday night about 11, I was beginning to feel the effects, so I took two benedryl, and two 500mg. ibuprofin, hoping to avoid at least the worst of the withdrawl. I've been through that once before, and it was the eptiome of the term "living hell." Anyway, took the benedryl combo about 11, then again before I went to bed. Took half a dose when I woke up. The only problem is that I was extremely tired all day Thursday-- my long day of classes. 10 a.m. until 9 p.m. I somehow made it through my first two classes, though I honestly only remember the last 5 minutes of my horticulture class, and do not remember the drive home. I guess you just gotta take the lesser of two evils.

Finally gave in a called Dr. Keller late Thursday afternoon. The dizziness was more than I could handle. I never got the massive headaches this time around though, so I figured I could deal with the dizziness. That didn't work out so well. I explained the situation to Dee-Dee, Dr. K's assistant, and how I wanted to go off the Effexor, cause I didn't want to pay nearly $200 a month for one prescription. The damn meds I just paid for a few days ago for the bronchitis were right about $100 as it is! Dr. Keller gave me enough sample packs of Effexor to last through the next month-6 weeks, and then I'm supposed to make an appointment sometime in November to go back in. UGH. I like Dr. K., but I HATE HATE HATE being weighed there.

Dr. K. knows about the eating disorder, and actually is pretty up-front about it. I dunno-- I feel like everytime I go in, I have to weigh less than the time before. Why? Hard to explain. It's like I have to weigh less to feel like I actually deserve to be there. It's not that I feel I have to 'prove' my disorder, but in a way-- it is, I guess. I know that sounds completely asinine. If I weigh more, even by a measley one or two pounds, I feel horrendous guilt for it. I feel horrible for the person who has to weigh me and see how fat I really am. The numbers don't lie. People can try to convince me differently, but there's still a three-digit number glowing in red on the electronic scale. No one can deny that.

Anyhow, it's probably not the greatest time to go off the Effexor, as the fall and winter months are usually a lot worse for me as far as the depression goes. But, two years ago, I got through it without taking the Effexor, just like I said I would. So maybe this time will be different. I dunno. I guess time is the only one who can give me an answer to that. Maybe this year will be the same. Maybe not. I suppose if I go totally mental by January, I'm looking at IP for then, anyhow.

Posted by Wendy on October 7, 2005 8:36 PM