Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team

July 08, 2005

New York City Marathon

I found out a few weeks ago that I got into the New York City Marathon! Unless you are an elite runner (which I am SO not!), people chosen for the marathon are picked randomly through a lottery. Over 85,000 people applied and my name was picked!

I'm excited because this is something I have always wanted to do but now that it is actually happening, I am very nervous. The longest I have ever run is a half marathon. I've done that twice. But now I have to do some serious training over the next 4 months. The marathon is November 6th. I'm nervous because it's really going to be a test for me to keep my eating disorder behaviors in check. I need to be strong and healthy in order to do this. I can't be playing around with not eating and not taking care of myself. I have talked about this with a few people and they really feel this will help me with my eating disorder. Someone else I spoke with who is not an active runner but trained to do the marathon once just to feel the accomplishment of doing it said that the experience changed her life. Her confidence increased so much after setting the goal to train for something difficult and then actually accomplishing it. I am SOOO hoping that is what happens for me. I could really use a true boost in my self confidence. I think it would help me in so many areas in my life.

Of course my abuser values are trying to rear their ugly head telling me that I'll never be able to do this. Some days I think that I will never be able to do this. Other days, I think it might be possible. I'm trying to take it one day at a time - one run at a time. The training is going.......slowly. But it's happening. I'm having some problems due to the fact that I have such flat feet. I'm doing a lot more training on the treadmill than outside because it's so much easier on my ankles and feet. But the thought of doing a 20 mile training run all on a treadmill makes me insane. But I have quite some time before I'd have to worry about that. I had a good run this morning on the treadmill and then did some weight training at the gym. Tomorrow I'm doing a 5K women's run outdoors. That will be harder on my feet, but I should be able to get through it. I just wish I wasn't so impatient! I want to be able to run all 26 miles right now!

Posted by Butterflyteam on July 8, 2005 07:39 PM

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