Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team

July 20, 2007

another unproductive day.....

i'm still not being very productive. i ran this morning with jackie. then i had the whole day to do whatever i wanted to do and what did i choose to do.........nothing! well, i didn't intentionally choose it, i just never felt motivated enough. i spent the day either watching tv or on the computer. oh wait, i did cut up a watermelon......and cut my finger.

i'm not sure why i haven't been able to go out and do anything the past few days. besides work or a scheduled appt., i can't seem to get myself to do anything. i'm so afraid that this will continue day after day once work is over next week. this is why i am so scared when my time is not structured - falling into this unmotivated, depressed emotional place where i end up doing nothing. i know there are a million things i could do, but why can't i just do them? i eventually took a shower this afternoon and was going to head out to buy a new pair of sneakers and go food shopping, but i have no idea why i never left my apartment.

i also felt really gross about food today. when i just wrote my daily food journal to email judi, i saw that i was within my calorie zone for losing weight but for some reason i just felt gross all day and felt like i was eating too much.

i just feel "off" - whatever that means. something's not right. i guess in the back of my mind are some of those memories that are causing the nightmares.

i don't really feel like thinking about anything else so i think i'm going to stop writing and go back to staring at the tv. i guess it's my way of checking out lately.

Posted by Butterflyteam on July 20, 2007 5:32 PM


Sometimes our souls and bodies just need time to crash and do nothing. Kind of like a squirrel storing nuts for the winter, we need to store up physical and mental rest for what lies ahead. You do so much on a regular basis. I think you could relax for a while, and try not to feel guilty for something you need. Just my two cents worth.

Posted by: The Real Me at July 20, 2007 8:59 PM

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