Health Diaries > Dissociative Identity Disorder > Butterfly Team

July 17, 2007


I haven't been writing a lot in the past few months mostly because work and graduate school kept me very busy. I've now been finished with both work and school for three weeks. (I do work a part time job for the month of July but that will be finished next week.) that I have more time on my hands I have been wanting to get back to journalling more. Both Donna and Judi have suggested it often as a tool to help me and I know they are right; I just haven't done it. So this is an attempt to just give a quick update and hopefully be a start to more writing. So...some updates:

Work - The end of the school year was good. I really enjoyed my class this year and even though I was certainly ready for summer vacation, it was sad to say goodbye to them.

Graduate School- The spring semester seemed more manageable than the fall. I think because I had more vacations from work which gave me more time to read and write papers. I took a summer class in May and June that was very challenging - Crisis Intervention and Trauma Therapy. We read many case studies on rape and abuse. I think I dissociated while I read a lot because I needed to keep some distance from it but I got through it ok. Next year will be difficult. I will be taking two classes and doing an internship in addition to working full time. I'm not sure how it's going to work out and I get anxious every time I think about it so for right now I'm trying to not think about it until September.

ED Recovery- I'm still working with my nutritionist, Judi. For the most part I've been doing better with eating healthier and not engaging in ED behaviors. I had a minor step backwards this past week because of some other things going on and I ended up purging almost everyday this past week but today I was back on track and I think it will be ok now. I haven't been losing some of the weight I want to. I had a metabolism test and the good thing is that after many years of screwing up my metabolism from ED behaviors, the past several months of eating better has helped my metabolism and it's working very well right now. Judi thinks I might have this other thing (I forget what it's called) that can be caused by ED's and a symptom can be not being able to lose weight. If I do have it, a simple medication can help me. I have a doctor's appt. tomorrow with a doctor who specializes in ED's and who will look into this for me. It's still an everyday struggle not to give into the ED but I'm taking it one day at a time.

Therapy- I've had some ups and downs recently with Donna but I had a good session last night and feel a lot better about things today. My cousin is visting from out of state this whole month which has been difficult. It was her ex-husband that brought me to the cult from the time I was 3 - 10 years old. I've been having nightmares for the past week and have been seeing flashes of memories in my head. Some things came up in my session last night about my mother and Tara (6 year old alter). It's too much for me to think about right now so I'll write more about that another time.

So.......that's a brief update. I want to try to write each day simply about what I'm doing during the day or how I'm feeling. My perfectionism sometimes takes over and prevents me from writing when thigns are jumbled up in my head. I want to be able to write without having to sort it all out first. I often hold back from writing UNTIL I already figure things out. I want to change that around and use this as a tool to HELP me figure things out. That's my intention...... we'll see if it happens.

Posted by Butterflyteam on July 17, 2007 4:28 PM


Glad you wrote. I wonder about you when you don't.

Posted by: Katie at July 18, 2007 4:28 PM

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