Becoming My Passion

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February 15, 2008

Restarted the Daniel Fast

Blood Pressure: 157/71
Pulse 72
Weight 518

Well, messed up my fast. Why? Donuts, available and I actually ate them to “finish them off” so that they wouldn’t get wasted. Isn’t that morally reprehensible, won’t waste some stupid fried sugar dough, but my life, my heart, and those who would be affected by my life being over, I willingly wasted them by eating those awful donuts. This is how I know my thinking is off. Even if someone were to say to me “everyone falls off the wagon don’t be so hard on yourself” I know that this is a way for me to ignore my own horrendous behavior. I did venture out for dog food today to a part of town I did not know and walked into a store I had never been in and was friendly and cordial. I liked the store and the woman running it and next time I go, the dogs will go in with me. I proceeded to drive home and eat 4 donuts! Yes. That’s 1032 calories for a fluff of air that broke my Daniel fast. I started the Clock back another day. I’m not depressed about it, but disappointed in myself. I am going to go lay down and think some more. I just finished 32oz of water. I do feel tired. Whether it’s a PTSD remnant from the unfamiliar trip, or the hordes of sugar in the donuts, either way I need to think and maybe nap and remember why I am doing this fast and how much more disappointed I will be in myself for not completing this fast for myself.

Posted by ijellorca on February 15, 2008 4:25 PM | DIGG | | furl

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